Chey's

Promises

2011-10-27T23:23:00.001-04:00

Promises are facinating, magical things. Some people dole them out like candy on Halloween and think nothing of taking them back. Others, like me, tend to hoard them. Not because we don't want to give them, but because we know their true worth, the value of a real promise is incalculable. For someone that believes in promises, it is hurtful to not keep them.

I broke two promises last week.

The first promise was one that I made 16 years ago. It hurt a lot of people when I broke that promise and I am enternally sorry for that, and I hope that someday they will see it as I did, a promise that was being kept at a terrible cost.

The seond promise I made less than a year ago. It hurt to break it... god did it hurt. I hope someday it will be understood that the intent behind the promise was made whole-heartedly, the most perfect promise I could give, but in keeping it, I chained myself to a life that could never be mine. In keeping that promise, I only hurt myself.

Promises, like space, and time, are strange.

Open House and an Epic FAIL

2011-09-14T21:22:00.000-04:00

This morning, as I dropped Abby off at the school, she turned to me, green eyes shining in the morning light, smile as bright as can be, blew me a kiss and said, "Oh, Mom, the School's Open House is tonight. Bye!"

I watched her bounce away as I mentally rearranged our evening to attend the Open House.

Today, picking her up from school...

"I'm really looking forward to meeting your teacher and seeing your classroom."
"Yeah, we don't need to stay for the Presentation, though."
"What? Why not? I like hearing about the class plans for the year...."
"No, it's okay. I told Mrs. Sandburg that you wouldn't be staying for the Presentation."

Blank look. Crickets chirping.

"Why would you say that? You know I always enjoy the Presentations!"
"No, you think they're boring. Last year you completely phased out."

more crickets...

"Baby, it wasn't me who almost fell asleep during the presentation last year."
"Oh, right. That was Daddy. Oh well."

I stared at her, almost laughing, until it occurred to me...

"Baby, did you tell your teacher why you thought I wasn't going to stay for the presentation?"
"Yeah, I told her you thought they were boring."

Back to School, One Last Fair, and Opening Your Eyes

2011-09-06T22:40:00.000-04:00

My baby is a Kindergartner!! Eve was ready, LL Bean backpack slung, pink plaid dress perfectly pressed and a good night's sleep behind her. My incredible, wonderful, amazing 5 year old heading off to the first year of many in her world. I think it was easier for her that she was able to ride the bus with her big sister, making the cavernous vehicle not-so-scary.

Abby has, for the first time ever, given over from the time honored tradition of a skirt for the first day of school. My girl has gone to the "cool" side and wore what I would normally consider "hanging out" clothes... a t-shirt and shorts with sneakers.

This year, for the first time, the dogs didn't accompany the girls to the bus.... the last dog passed away in the Spring and no one has had the heart to bring a new puppy to the house. Back to school pictures without the dogs... strange times.
None so strange as the fact that I am not living at my house anymore.... I drove back there to take the Back to School photos for continuity and family tradition. Most days I'll be driving the girls to school. I'm still trying to get used to the fact that my home is not my home. I imagine it's going to take a while, with everything in flux.

Our last day of summer was spent at the Woodstock Fair... cows, horses, draft pulling contests, bunnies, rides, fair food and the company of great friends. I can't ask for more than that. :)

Tonight I'm finally slowing down after getting the kids settled from their "first big day of school" and getting a bit of time to catch up and watch a movie. The selection is "Star Dust."

Star Dust is written by Neil Gaimon, who is an author that I've actually quoted on this blog before. I love his work, tho occasionally the dark side of it can be a bit disturbing. Neil Gaimon's Instructions

One of my favorite quotes from Star Dust reminds me of that moment when you kiss someone, not just anyone, but that one perfect person. The person for whom you open your eyes to see them as you kiss. And that moment, that very moment, they open their eyes too. And all of the love and all of the passion is staring right back at you, and there is no coming back from that... that seeing into another person's heart and soul.
Great moment captured by Neil... makes me want to ask him, who was she? And did he cross the wall for her?

"They kissed for the first time then in the cold spring rain, though neither one of them now knew that it was raining. Tristran's heart pounded in his chest as if it was not big enough to contain all the joy that it held. He opened his eyes as he kissed the star. Her sky-blue eyes stared back into his, and in her eyes he could see no parting from her."

— Neil Gaiman (Stardust)

Pictures of the kids and the fair forthcoming... too tired to load them up tonight... But peace and good dreams to all the parents who bravely brought their babies to school this week, and to those that relished in the tradition of crisp, blue Fall Fairs, and to anyone who has looked into the heart of the person they're kissing and gotten lost, blissfully

Nothing

2011-08-29T23:59:00.000-04:00

I remember a song from "chorus line" where Morales sung that, much to her utter dismay, she felt nothing.
I reached out today to help someone I've loved and felt... Nothing.
A sad song... A sadder feeling.

So many roadblocks are in place right now on the roads and we're living in darkness from the storm. It's one thing to live it. It's another to feel it. How very very sad when a storm hits and hurts so close to home. And then it's just nothing.

Moving on gets easier and harder.

Shaken, Not Stirred

2011-08-24T00:07:00.000-04:00

Shaken. Not Stired.

My business trips to my client site are generally busy, often exciting and sometimes just plain exhilarating. I love being in the thick of things. When I’m travelling for business, I usually post my status as “being in the Lion’s den.” It is always a challenge and a thrill to be in front of my clients because, lets face it, I’m a computer geek at heart. I love being in front of my computer and listening to music....as much as everyone likes to put me on the front lines with clients, its not my comfort zone, so when I have to do it, it is a challenge.

I joke with my teammates that every trip has “the story….” And this one is a doozy!

Me, 26th floor of the Financial Plaza in Jersey City, on a conference call with a SC teammate……..

“Hold on, the building is shaking…”

“What?”

“The building is shaking. What the hell? I can’t work like this!”

“The building is shaking?”

“Yeah……..wait, no really, it is……people are running… I think I have to go”

That is, verbatim, the call I had with my teammate. Being from small town CT, high rise buildings aren’t exactly everyday life, so a shaking building seems slightly plausible to me and an irritating disruption to my work… it wasn’t until I saw people bookin’ out the doors until I realized it was not “Big City Norm.”

Of course everyone was allright and survived the earthquake. I admit I was a bit confused by it all and briefly considered cannabalism if necessary for survival. :)

I have a greater understanding of what it feels like to sway like the top of the tallest oak tree and thank God that your kids are far away and safe.

Cell phones didn’t work. Calls went out to nothing…… only TXT messaging had any results. By the time I reached the ground I had txt messages from some of the people I loved the most, checking in that I was okay. All was well. Shaken, not stirred.

Okay, stirred. A little bit.

Now I’m back at my hotel, happily in my jammies and blogging for the memory of the 5.9 quake that covered the East Coast.

Eve turns 5 tomorrow!!!!

2011-08-09T23:42:00.000-04:00

My baby is turning 5 today! FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The following statements show she is ready:

“I’m ready for Kindergarten. I can count. I know all my letters and sounds and shapes and I can write them all. Not a problem, mom”

“It is going to be hard though, with all the boys loving me. The boys always love me. Its because I’m so cute, isn’t it?”

“The bus looks cool. But is it dirty? Do I need wipes?”

She is ready for the Day Care Party, the Home Party, and the “Super Friend” party.

I am doubtful that I’m ready for any of these things. J

My baby is 5. So smart and talented and amazing that it takes me breath away.

Happy Birthday, Beautiful Girl!!!!

Winning, with Special Appearance by the Spacemonkeys

2011-08-04T01:27:00.000-04:00

Vacation has started!! I haven’t had a real break from work in about 10 months. That isn’t an exaggeration. The last time I took a week off of work was September 2010. I love the company I work for and the people I work with, I love my clients and the work that I do… but I am so ready for a little time off. And its been pretty wonderful.

The strange thing is that I had a hard time logging off at the end of the final day at work, letting go of the stewardship of my job. Seriously, if a person has that hard a time going on vacation, it means they REALLY need one!

My last conversation with a coworker before I left was about winning. The exact comment was….

“I don’t know what winning is anymore.”

Since it was about 15 minutes before my vacation was about to start, I wisely said, “That will have to be a blog post after I think about it for a while.”

So my first four hours of vacation was dinner out with Eve, to the playscape, haircuts, and, after putting her to bed, a nice glass of wine. Then, on to some thinking and research on Winning, since I’m not sure what it is anymore…
Since I first wrote some of this, we have been to the amusement park, the beach, swimming, the Vineyard and just generally relaxing and being us girls.....

Now on with Winning:

Definition 1: Winning:

Gaining, resulting in, or relating to victory in a contest or competition

I’m not in competition with anyone other than myself. So, seriously, am I always trying to beat me? If so, no wonder I’m confused, you can’t win when you fight yourself. But it does always make you better!

Definition 2: Win:

An individual victory; To conquer, defeat; To achieve victory in (a game, a war, etc);

I have no desire to conquer or defeat. If you believe you’ve achieved such a thing, you’re foolish. It’s just a temporary illusion. No one wins in war and games are only games until they’ve played themselves out. But the game, oh the game!! Solving problems, managing projects that can't be managed, answering questions that have others cant...... I live for that! Victory over a person, no thanks. Not interested.

Definition 3: Win:

To obtain something that is wanted

I want a lot of things. Happiness and health for my kids is the first thing I have ever wished for, the thing I want the most, but I can’t obtain it, or win it, only work towards it and hope for it. There are things that I want for me, selfishly and adamantly, but they aren’t always the things that are best for the people that I love, so the things I want are pushed to the side. But I pray that they find happiness and peace.

Definition 4: WIN (Wireless Intelligent Network)) Transaction processing infrastructure for wireless systems

Um, sure.

Definition 5: Winning: Waking up free, the William Wallace way. FREEDOM!!!!

Yeah. That I believe in. If you've never felt that way, it's just a movie line.

So what is winning? Is it making the people that I love happy? Maybe... but with all things important, the path to getting there is difficult. Like a good friend says, “The sacrifices now will be worth it in the future.”

I hope I’m winning. But I’m still not sure what it is, exactly.

On some days I’m Superwoman, ruling the entire world around me. On other days, I’m just a girl…

(insert Julia Roberts moment here)

*************************There are these amazing things that I call SpaceMonkeys. They spin filters…. Not a lot of them and not very well, but they are occasionally effective. So shout out and "Thank you, SpaceMonkeys," for the separation of interests this evening.

Lyrics

2011-07-28T23:42:00.001-04:00

There are many days and nights when I can glide by songs and lyrics and not listen to them.. This is not one of those nights.... This is a song I've heard a thousand times, but until I looked at the lyrics, I didn't truly feel it. Don't stop now. I've lost my place. I'm close behind.
Words to live and die by.........

Collide lyricsSongwriters: Griffin, Kevin; Day, Howie;
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you, yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know
{ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/h/howie-day-lyrics/collide-lyrics.html }
I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find you and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find you and I collide

You finally find you and I collide
You finally find you and I collide

I see it I see it
I've tried not to be it
I run away from you to0 much
It seems that's all I do

Back at your door
Into your arms on your floor
I run away and I collide

I give up

Dive

2011-07-13T13:33:00.000-04:00

Interesting how a body can be so tightly wired and wound that you don’t even realize how exhausting it is until the moment it comes undone and you’re left wondering how it happened in the first place.

I’m a swimmer. I am at home in the water. From the moment the pool is open or the ocean is near, I swim. For the girls and I it is our summer playground, but this winter the pool was almost destroyed…. 5 feet of snow displaced the water down the liner and collapsed in on itself. I complained every day since June 1st that I didn't have my pool. It was a passing crankiness that I was too busy to focus on.

So for the first half of summer I stared at the husk of the pool and then just as it was replaced/fixed and perfect, I was on my way out for business in Jersey City. 4 nights in Jersey …… and in the back of my mind I’m thinking of swimming. Diving. PLAYING. I promised myself that I would swim the second I got back home…no matter what.

Alas, a series of unfortunate traffic and weather events didn’t land me back home until after 9:00 at night on Friday. It was cold and raining. But I keep my promises.

Left the luggage in the car.

Walked to the pool.

Hopped the fence.

Jumped in.

And in the moment I sliced through rain and into the water itself, I realized that I what I had complained about as an irritating inconvenience was actually something that I needed. All that tension and frantic energy just peeled away and let go. And I swam.

The girls and I spent the entire weekend in the pool.. and I suspect that’s where we’ll be again. The pool, the barn, riding, then back to the pool. Then maybe riding again.

The Perfect Weekend includes the Perfect Pony

2011-07-03T23:56:00.000-04:00

My recipe for a perfect weekend:

Sleep in late with the girls snuggled in close to me
Pack the blankets, popcorn and don't forget the glow sticks...... because its time for the FIREWORKS
Sleep in late again
Pack the blankets, popcorn, glow sticks from the freezer, a couple of micro-brews and head to the DRIVE IN
Sleep in late again
Try on dresses at a friends house and get ready for the WEDDING next month

Go to the barn, ride the trails and spend the entire afternoon in the rain, laughing, playing with the World's most perfect PONY

Tomorrow is a picnic at Ellen's and a lot of housework, then fireworks bound again, maybe, depending on how much I can withstand gravity.

Warrior Dash 2011

2011-06-26T22:54:00.001-04:00

Warrior Dash!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8 weeks ago, I got it in my head to run the Warrior Dash. A 5k race with outrageous obstacles, including a military climbing wall, mud pit under barbed wire and a wall of fire, it sounded like fun. I wasn't sure I could do it, so in order to make sure I did I followed a careful plan:

1. Conscript a friend to do it with me. (misery...company)
2. Tell other people about it. (with so many people cheering you on, its harder to bag out of it)
3. Run every day, no matter what (even when you don't have 5 spare minutes)
4. Hire a personal trainer to MAKE you push it every step of the way

And I am happy to say that after 8 weeks of listening to me whine about it, my friends and family can say that they have survived the Warrior Dash with me!!!

And there is photographic evidence!!!!
Before the race, after the race...covered in mud, at the post race celebration with the Xena runners and my friends.... even surrounded by a group of Spartans complete with swords..... it was a great day

Last Night

2011-06-13T22:35:00.000-04:00

Last night at home.

Last night I tuck my girls into the beds I chose for them and the fluffy blankets we picked out together.
Last night I hold my old cat in my lap while trying to type.
Last night I hear the wood frogs in the vernal pool out back and see the fireflies congregate under my ancient Rhododendron.
Last night I sit in the recliner and watch my perfectly perfect fireplace roar. (yes, I turned it on just to watch it, in June)
Last night I take a wine glass down from my beautiful cabinets in the kitchen I designed myself.
Last night I sit on the porch and listen to the bats overhead and watch Orion travel across the sky.
Last night I wonder just how big the Hosta will grow by the next day.
Last night I stand in the hallway and watch my girls sleep. In the rooms they came home to as babies. In the rooms they learned how to clap, walk, laugh, talk, shop, roll their eyes and sneak cheetos after bedtime.
Last night I pass by the spot where I got the phone call that my father had died.
Last night I walk by the place where every Christmas tree in my children’s memory has been, and all the laughter and squealing that comes to mind with just standing still in that spot.
Last night I walk by the place in the garden where my pets are buried.
Last night I hear and feel and smell and taste my home.
Last night in the home that I made a home.

Leaving your home is one of the hardest things in the world. No matter that the decision is right. It is hard.
When I return after tomorrow, it will be as a guest. It will no longer be my home.

There are some amazing things in store for the future, but for tonight, I’ll watch a favorite movie on the TV and soak up what I can of this old house and the ghost of the family that lived in it. I hope it finds peace.

Change

2011-05-27T22:42:00.000-04:00

Springtime has always been a time of change, from winter’s cold and bleakness to a sudden dawning of black and green and hesitant new life. Nothing ever amazes me more than that first day in spring where there is a haze of green over every hill and valley in my drive. The leaves aren’t out yet, the trees are still bones reaching for the sky, but there are signs of life, growing and promising that perfect promise of what is to come. It isn’t beautiful but it holds that promise that beautiful is coming. I am grateful always for summer, but nothing holds happiness like that day of promise after winter.

This winter was the hardest I have ever remembered. There were times that I just didn’t think it would end but it did. I was back to work full time after so many wonderful years home with my girls. I missed every second away from them at the same time that I grew accustomed to being the overachiever at my career, all over again. My mother endured life changing surgery without me by her side and all of it was a part of my daily, changing, chaotic life, separated from what I loved the most.
Change came so fast and furious that I could not adapt and just kept swaying with every blow that came. Get up, try again. Get up, try again. And always do it better and faster than those around you.

In the time that I refocused on me, in order to change the world around me, my kids and my family also had to refocus their lives. It wasn’t easy on any of us, we all had to grow and change and it was *hard.* We won and we lost and we grew and reformed.

In the past year I’ve lost friends that I loved. I found new friends and lost still others. When I reach for them and they aren’t there, it hurts right down to my soul. I’ve won and lost and grew and reformed. And I miss them with every breath, even if I don’t talk about it.

Today my mother had a health scare that I’m still not prepared to deal with. We have time, but that time is finite. I know it, but knowing it is more than I wanted to know.

Tonight my girls are away. It is something is very very hard, but that change is here now and knowing is, again, more than I could prepare for. They’ll grow stronger for it. But my home is empty without them. I cannot fill it myself.

I find myself alone for the first time in years. I won, I lost and I am finding that I have to remake my life again in a crazy search for a summer that is there, just beyond reach.

This year is like one very long spring. There is a haze of green over everything….. it isn’t here yet, but there is a perfect promise that it is coming. Spring showers, May flowers. And then a summer spent with those that you love the most.

I miss what I lost. I’m grateful for what I had. I’m terrified and overjoyed and broken hearted and empowered by what is to come.

For Good

2011 Father Daughter Dance

2011-02-04T22:43:00.002-05:00

The girls look forward to the town Father Daughter Dance every year. The entire production, from new dresses to fancy shoes and accessories, is planned for weeks.

This year, Abby kept her eye on the "high heeled shoes" and didn't give up until she got them. Despite our predictions of a broken ankle in the first 10 minutes, she not only kept the shoes on all night, she also proved that she can walk, run and dance in them. The best moment was when she arrived home, mincing along the hallway saying "My feeeeeeeet!" There is a price to pay for dancing all night in fabulous heels.

Evie opted for the "Belle of the Ball" look with the most beautiful dress and lasted most of night before announcing that it was time to call Mommy because she was ready to go home. She got to see her friends Ave and Skye at the dance and the played and giggled.

David was able to chat with the other dads, dance with his girls and ejoy a special "Dads Only" night on the town.

I enjoyed my two hours at home, with the surround sound at 70, rediscovering the pure joy of dancing, singing too loud, and cleaning at the same time. Fun and productive!

The Roof, The Roof, The Roof is Under Water!

2011-01-26T20:49:00.000-05:00

I love the rain. I sleep in peace when it rains.
I love the snow. It makes everyone slow down, stop and play in complete stillness.

I do not love it when the snow melts and creates an Ice Dam which then causes RAIN in my home.

For years I have watched the AllState commercials. You know, the ones that say, "You're in good hands, with Allstate." It always made me feel safe.

I can now honestly say that, yes indeed, we are in Good Hands... and a great big whopping Thank You to AllState.

And now I leave you all with the vision of me, watching the water run down my walls. It ran directly down, stubbornly clinging to one surface on a single minded path. I knew that if I could just guide the water into a bowl, I could at least save myself the trouble of mopping floors every hour until the Insurance Mitigation Team could get there to do their job.

I needed a sluice of some kind, to gather the water and direct it to one of 11 bowls on my floor.

What did I have that could make a sluice?

Yeah. That's right. I used the sluice from the MouseTrap Game. I taped it to my wall and forced the water to run into a bucket.

Tomorrow the adjuster from AllState comes to the house to assess the damage and we can begin making repairs.

I'm a hardy New Englander but, seriously, I'm all done with winter.

Double Digits and iTunes Accounts

2011-01-17T22:06:00.000-05:00

I just said "Goodnight" to my baby girl for the last Single Digit day of her life.

Tomorrow morning at 5:18 a.m. we will celebrate the 10 year anniversary of our oldest daughter's birth.

10 years ago, David and I were watching Star Trek: Voyager after finishing up a plate of Buffalo Wings and the first contraction hit. We don't remember what episode it was, we were slightly preoccupied, but I remember staring at the TV screen while the phrase, "THIS IS IT" pounded an echoed through my skull.

Around 8 hours and no drugs later, I was the proud Mama of a baby who.... seriously, didn't look like me, or any family member I knew of. I kid you not, I stared at her for at least a minute thinking............. "huh. Not what I pictured."

She was amazingly, heartbreakingly beautiful and the most incredibly feminine looking baby I had ever seen. That I sort of expected But I had pictured blonde.

My Abigail was born with dark skin, a full, thick head of black hair, and the reddest, most perfect Angelina Jolie lips ever.
David bathed in glory. My father took one look at Abby and asked me, "Is she yours?"

We have raised Abby through the Finding Nemo years, the Pink Unicorn years, the Pony Club and Puppy Lovin years and finally, heaven help us, onto the Justin Beiber years.

After surveying her room and the amazing present stash that her Nana gifted her with, I said, "Baby, I just don't know what to give you anymore."

She looked at me, with her huge green eyes and then fell into my arms with the most amazing, wonderful, warm embrace....
"Love, Mom. I'm too old for the other gifts now. I just need a gift once a year or so. I need love every day."

I am brought full cycle. Speechless at the amazing gift that is my oldest daughter.

At 5:18 tomorrow morning, she will turn 10. Double Digits. Leaving the pink unicorns and ponies and puppies behind and loading up her iTunes account instead.

She will always be my baby. And I'll never remember that episode of Star Trek: Voyager.

Tooth Fairy, Revealed; Santa, Betrayed

2010-12-01T13:00:00.000-05:00

Abby had to have two of her stubborn baby teeth pulled. And you know what that means............. the Tooth Fairy Visit.

I snuck into Abby’s room that night to trade $$ for her two pulled teeth. She looked so peacful that my heart just about stopped when she WOKE UP. She blinks. I stand, frozen like a rabbit.

“Mom?”
“Yeah-huh?”
“What are you doing?”
“Just checking in on you to see how you’re feeling.”
“Okay. Good night”

I walk out with a slient prayer of "ohshitohshitohshitdon’treachunderthepillow”
and go to the kitchen to wait. It wasn't long.

About 5 minutes later I heard foot-tapping. I turned around. Abby is standing there, offending Tooth-Fairy bag dangling from the edge of her fingertips.”

“What is this?”

“That’s the tooth fairy’s satchel.”

“Mmmyeah. It’s full. There’s no way the tooth fairy got here this fast. And the money smells like Nana. “

“uuuuhhhhhhh”

“Tell me the truth. Nana gave Daddy the money. He gave it to you. You put it in my bag after taking the teeth and you’ve been the tooth fairy all this time, haven’t you?!”

After a brief conversation of what it means to believe, I did in fact admit that I had played the role. She nodded her head solemly. Understanding and forgiving the betrayal.

"Okay. I won't tell Evie or anyone else who beleives."
"Thank you, baby, that's very nice of you."

"Yeah. I dont' want Santa to find out I'm the one who ratted out the Tooth Fairy!"

beat.

Her eyes got really wide. I think I heard the sound of A thousand christmas bells shattering against the floor of her heart. Then she just went to bed.

Someday, she's going to make an incredible Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus.
Until then, I remember when she believed:

FIYAH!!!!

2010-11-05T21:09:00.001-04:00

David had the BRILLIANT idea of lighting the pilot on the fireplace rather than waiting for the propane company to do it.

Ladies And Gentlemen........... We HAVE FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*I offically melted my t-shirt to my body

Define "Relax" in your MPP

2010-11-03T22:06:00.000-04:00

It is no secret that I can be my own worst critic. (and biggest fan, but usually only after one margarita and before the third) Since I went back to work a few weeks ago I have been furiously ensuring my ability to "do it all." Frankly, I'm tired. That's why I promised myself that when I got home I would finish paying bills for Mom and spend the evening organizing photos for the yearly family album.

The yearly family album is like an albatross sitting around my neck from Halloween until Thanksgiving when it is finished and sent off to the printer and the faster I finish it the higher my happiness quotient. The album is a symbol of good luck and good fortune (until someone killed it) and its' completion was on my list of things that would make me happy tonight.

I didn't start it yet.

Instead, I talked to my sister, Deb, for over an hour.

I'm smiling.

Sometimes the definition for "Relaxation" and "Happiness" needs to be updated and happiness comes from sources that weren't on your daily project plan.

Thank you, Debby!!

Open it Up and See How it Works!

2010-10-24T21:10:00.001-04:00

I love that my kids, the very same ones who make me save worms, will also be the first ones lining up to look at its guts.

I was morally oppossed to dissection in school but couldn't wait to actually do it, to see how the parts worked, what thry looked like and more. So it was no surprise when, last year, Abby was thrilled that she had the chance to dissect a Dog Shark at school and she still talks about it how awesome it was. That's cool.

When a wicked storm came through last week during a brutal cold snap, a large White Faced Hornet's nest blew in half and landed near my truck at work. It was the coolest thing ever, getting to see the inside of those basket-ball sized nests. So what'd I do? I took it home, of course, and waited all weekend for some quiet time to sit down with the kids and dissect it.

Of course you know what happened. I cut into the first egg-cell and instead of a little bee-corpse all science-y and stuff, I was faced with the nightmare visage of a very LIVE very PISSED off bee scraping its way out of the egg casing and coming for my face. I screamed like a girl, picked up Evie and ran to the other room.

Abby dumped the bee on the table, put a glass jar over it and spent the next hour cutting open the rest of the nest and loudly yelling the status of each egg cell.
"Its alive! And this one is feisty!!!!"

My kid is so cool. Me, not so much.

Looking Back and Forward and Getting Whiplash

2010-10-03T23:15:00.000-04:00

Every October, on Halloween night, I begin our family album for the year. The album chronicles our family in both pictures and my often inconsistent blog posts, from the previous Halloween night. Fall to Fall, 12 month calendar cycle. Each year the album takes about 5 to 6 weeks to complete before it is printed and sent to me from Kodak right in time for Christmas. They average 75 pages and I comb through about 2000 pictures to choose the best 300 or so to make it to the final cut. Our family album is precious to me. My kids go through them at least once every two months.

When asked why I bother to use up so much time, I can only say that each album invokes the magic of "Remember When?"

Remember when I dressed the Pony up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and won the costume contest?

Remember when I came home?

Remember when I saw snow for the first time?

Remember when you laughed at my artwork?

Remember when we saw the wild horses?

Remember when we went to Disney?

Remember when I got my ears pierced?

Every story and every major moment, from life changes to fishing for crayfish, are included in the album if they have pictures or a special memory attached. It's almost Halloween, so I've started thinking about this coming years' album and sorting through some of my past years' blog posts to help remind me of stories and occasions. This also makes me "Remember when" all those moments that aren't included in the family album.

Remember when I forgot my own worth?

Remember when I finally quit smoking?

Remember when my baby talked pheromones?

All of those things were about a year ago. How different a calendar year can be!! I look back and I'm amazed at how hard it has been to move forward and the simple fact that I was strong enough to make it happen. And I was. And it has.

My family is a blessing. And I remember when I almost forgot that.

Make a Home

2010-09-28T20:40:00.000-04:00

I have spent almost 5 years home raising my girls, taking care of my family and finding out exactly how green the grass can be.

I'm grateful for the time I've had with my girls. I am also unfazed by admitting that it is time that I returned to work and carved out a future for us now that we are all ready for it.

I will be contracting with an amazing firm, SystemTec, and working for a company that is so wonderful that it made me say, "I want to be a Duck!" Seriously. I said that. In an interview. It makes sense if you know the company. ;)

If you have the opportunity to stay home when your children are young, I can tell you to embrace every moment and hold tight tight tight. Life was never so terrifying or a moment so laden with responsibility as when I knew I. was. the. home. Now it is time to let go and move forward on a new journey. I am beyond excited, and nervous and grateful for yet another gift that, while given, has also been earned. A good friend told me that it all happens for a reason. I laughed. I cried. I swore a bit, but she was right. It was the right opportunity at the right time.

My thoughts, penned by Neil Gaimon, in Instructions

When you reach the little house, the place your

journey started,

you will recognize it, although it will seem

much smaller than you remember.

Walk up the path, and through the garden gate

you never saw before but once.

And then go home. Or make a home.

And rest.

Big E 2010

2010-09-24T21:12:00.000-04:00

The girls at the Big E this year. The most beautiful weather I could imagine and, joy of joys, we FINALLY made the parade on time and got to see the Budwieser Clydesdales in full hitch!

Fernando and Polka Dot with a Side of Obie

2010-09-20T20:21:00.000-04:00

So many perfect pets, so little time..........

Importance

2010-09-19T20:56:00.000-04:00

The importance of 9-20-10.

Make it or break it. Or not. Loves to all who have an important day tomorrow.

I asked Abby,"Baby, am I intelligent and important?"

She said, "All of that, Mom. Can I stay up late?"

Huh.

Evie's First Day of School: The Earthy Academic Sacrifice

2010-09-06T21:35:00.005-04:00

Evie's first day of Big Girl PreSchool...it took me a few days to get it posted! :)

Evie was so excited for her first day of school! She was up at about 5:30 a.m. eager to start the day. Her clothes were all picked out, her Twinkle Toes Sketcher sneakers with neon light-up peace signs were laid out next to her beautiful dress. Her enormous pink backback was stuffed with her Hello Kitty lunchbag, which in turn was stuffed with a cut up Kiwi and a cheese-stick. Every laid out Just So for the first day.

As we walked from our truck, across the parking lot and to the church that houses her (amazing) pre-school, she stopped and gasped.

Mommy!! Save it!!

About a foot into the parking lot was an earthworm that had obviously taken a wrong left turn at Albequerque. I stared at Evie, but I knew the deal. She wasn't budging unless that worm was in Safe Territory.

Seriously, picture us, all dressed up for the first day of school, other parents milling around us to get into the building, and I'm holding a fucking earthworm like a primevil academic sacrifice, placing it gently into the grass.

Jayne will be happy to know that I saved the worm. Again. Maybe it was a decendant of the fated Simsbury Worm, who knows?

Evie nodded her head, her part played in the drama, and proceeded to pose for pictures with her best friend on their way into the classroom. She looked beautiful and will no doubt excell. I, on the other hand, had to spend extra time scrubbing my hands before entering the classroom.

For Whom the Tad Grows!!

2010-08-31T20:16:00.003-04:00

Fernando is almost a frog! He is at the stage where his head is beginning to shrink and his tail is being absorbed.,.. Polkadot poked out BOTH his arms today and is growing up every day!! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

For Her the Alarm Clangs

2010-08-30T22:35:00.000-04:00

Four years of Abigail going to school, NOT counting Kindergarten. (My blog doesn't go back that far and neither does my current drive's photos.) While it is a little hard to see in the current size, if you click on the collage you can see a larger version... and just how much Abby has grown.

Abigail, 1st Grade: I got my fancy lunchbox and my dog. I'm ready.
Abigail, 2nd Grade: I refuse to cut my hair or wear a new sweatshirt, but Dad is still cool.
Abigail, 3rd Grade: Check out the high tops. I'm a fashion QUEEN. Recognize!
Abigail, 4th Grade: Please stop taking pictures before the bus is here.

I have exciting new tadpole pictures, (an embarassing amount, reallly) but the day belongs to Abby. As with every year, the hours grow long without her and the quiet is both relaxing and terrifying. It is both new and old hat now, invigorating and commonplace, relished and yet lonely. My long days of come-what-may are over and our lives are run by the school's schedule, broken by the claxon bells of Abby's new alarm clock.

The Tadpole Drama Continues

2010-08-26T21:52:00.003-04:00

When we lost Daisy last weekend, I had to wait until Monday to contact Grow-A-Frog. This wonderful company has a guarantee on their tadpoles and gladly told us they would send a replacement. Now keep in mind that GAF cannot send tadpoles in all weather. If its going to be hot, you have to wait for your delivery. (You don't want to fry the little guys in the UPS truck!) Since the weather was in the 70's all week, I figured we were free and clear. Wednesday, check the mail, no tadpole. Thursday, check the mail, no tadpole. Huh. So I call to ask when the new Tad was sent. A very worried voice on the phone said, "The Tadpole shipped on MOnday, you should have gotten it yesterday."

Crap.

They have already delivered the mail, so that meant that Friday was the next delivery, and that meant that wherever he was, it was going to be at least 5 days from door to door. 5 days with no food or sunlight.

At the kids' urging I called our local post office to inquire and lo and behold, they had JUST gotten the box. We drove down lickety-split to pick "Polka Dot" up from the post office. Here are the pics........

\
And then there is Fernando, getting bigger by the day and showing his ginormous toes... Personally I think he's looking a bit smug over the whole "growing arm buds now" thing.

2010-08-22T20:29:00.000-04:00

First, the good news. If Fernando got any cuter, I just don't know what we would do. Look at how much hes, grown! Look at how big his legs are now, and how frogg-y looking they are! He has continued to grow and change (metamorphasize) at a simply amazing rate and we're looking forward to his froggy antics.

Here's a side view......... And at some point, I want someone to appreciate the time and patience it takes to get my camera to focus on a see through object, through water.

Now for the bad news...... Daisy, the smaller Tad, was found belly up this morning. She seemed perfectly fine over the past week, after a somewhat rocky first day. She was much, much smaller than Fernando, about half his size, and she just didn't grow like he did. She was just starting to get the teeny see-through legs that he had already the day he arrived. Not to get specific or anything, and if you skeev-out easily please skip the next part... but Fernando poops. A lot. Contstantly, really. That means he is eating a lot, so its a good thing. Daisy almost never pooped, and because she was see through, I could see her tummy almost always empty. I think she just wasn't really eating, growing or developing and just gave out.

Evie was very upset to see her Tad belly up, and participated in the "Swamp in the Sky" ceremony afterwards. I'll be calling the Grow a Frog company tomorrow to dicuss this with them. They have a guarantee on their Tads, so I know they'll ship another out, but I'm going to need to have them ship out a BIG tad to keep pace with Fernando.

On another pet note, we were grooming the pony in the pouring rain today. Since we didn't show him this year, his mane and tail weren't trimmed and he looks wilder than ever. Pics to come shortly!

Tads, Gettin' Leggy

2010-08-19T23:51:00.003-04:00

Fernando, the Big Tad, is getting some serious leggies on him and in just 72 hours!

And if you look REeeeeeeeallllllllllllly close, you can just make out the itty-bitty see-through legs on Daisy.

The Tadpoles are Here!!!!

2010-08-16T22:20:00.009-04:00

For Evie's birthday, she asked for a Frog. An African Clawed Frog from a company called "Grow-A-Frog" which, much to my surprise, isn't in the Sea-Monkey type of business. When I did my research, I found out that kids had gotten frogs from this company from back in the late 70's and many, many of those frogs lived to be over 20 years old. At that point I understood that this was a multi-decade pet and I had to do some more research. First question, how do they ship 'em?? Answer, in a plastic baggie with water! Our Tadpoles arrived today, with the complete starter kit that will get them through to the Froglet stage. The kit included the tank, sand, shells, food, booklet and two Tadpoles.

The kit Evie ordered was the "TadVenture" kit. Everything we needed, right down to the hot pink (color chosen by my Pink Lovin' girl!) sand, sea shells and plastic palm tree. And two GORGEOUS little Tads.

Of the two Tads, one is big and strong and was up and running in the "Head down, Tail Up" feeding position. The smaller of the two was in what I might say was a bit of stress. Honestly, I wouldn't do half so well after being shipped UPS, so props to the little guy! After an hour or two in the tank, however, he too was zooming around and gobbling up their filter feed.

Evie spent a considerable part of the afternoon in a chair in front of the tank and holding a magnifying glass. The tadpoles' skin is see through, so you can see their heart pumping and veins... right down to the leg buds growing on the Big Guy. Honestly, I can now see leg buds growing on the Little Guy, and I swear they weren't there earlier! My little scientist is beside herself watching these guys. (and yes, as the Reigning Champion Tadpole and Frog Catcher, I myself am amazed)

Big Guy actually belongs to a friend of ours, but her parents aren't sure about keeping a frog, so Abby is "babysitting for life" until we know otherwise. :) Our friend Kassie has tentatively named her's Fernando, but we won't know if he is a boy or girl for about 5 more weeks, when they turn into Frogs. When I asked Evie what hers was named today she said, "I don't know. It'll come to me."

I'll keep everyone updated on the Tads, and Evie's upcoming B-day celebration.

2010-08-01T22:26:00.000-04:00

Spur of the moment, we took a trip to the beach today. Our family's version of beach going usually involves a rented house in Block Island or the OBX, which requires weeks of planning, so a spur of the moment "lets go to a public beach" isn't in our experience, but Grandma really wanted to go and so off we went.

Mariah, Abby and Evie did their version of Verizon Bars in between riding the waves. There are unexpected suprises almost everywhere!

Evie: Character Interlude, Age almost 4

2010-07-12T22:41:00.002-04:00

A friend's child was having a rough a day and needed a moment alone. Evie was asked to guard the doorway and not let anyone bother her.

"T," brother of child needing a moment alone, tries to enter the room. Evie holds her hand up, Crossing Guard Style.

The Sign says "No"

What are talking about? I don't see a sign. What sign?

Withering look....

I AM the sign. And I say No.

And that, in a nutshell, is our Evie.

New Hampshire Vacation

2010-07-06T23:37:00.003-04:00

We spent the holiday weekend in New Hampshire with our friends. Somehow they managed to convince me to overcome my fear of heights and drive with them to the top of Mt. Washington, go up mountainsides on ski-lifts and a lot of other crazy and amazing adventures.

Wonderful trip, all around.

Enumerator. Not Prostitute.

2010-06-01T20:51:00.004-04:00

For the past month, my nights and weekends have been busy doing Census work for the Government. I have learned more about my town and the poeple in it during the past month's work than I have in 15 years of living here. Driving by someone's house is different then talking to them, seeing them, learning about them.

I have met some really wonderful, kind people from every corner of our town. Some amazinglly wealthy, some poorer than I could imagine. Some of them were kind, some were very, very rude. (Oh yes, Little Miss Half-Million house, it'll all come back to you when we meet up at a PTO meeting and you're not feeling so socially superior)

Tonight, even after all these many, many houses and interviews, I encountered something completely new.

A drunk, fifty-something year old guy offered me $100.00 to have sex with him.

"No, thank you. I'm only On Call for the Feds."

"You're very (hic) cute"

"Mmmm mmmm. How many people were living at this residence on April 1st?"

"I have cash."

"Goodbye."

Walgreen's Intense 1 Hour Teeth Whitening: Don't Get Burned!

2010-05-28T20:45:00.002-04:00

Last night I used the new Walgreen's brand intense 1 hour tooth whitening. Everything went fine, I used it exactly as directed, and honestly my teeth look pretty great... the problem was immediately after the final rinse, my upper lip starting burning. Now, 24 hours later, it is so raw inside that it hurts to talk, eat, drink.... UGH!!!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T19:41:00.000-04:00

Three years and one week ago, we recieved our very first picture of Evie. At the time, we had never held her, never kissed her and never looked into her eyes. She was a dream for us.

Three years and one week later, we celebrate Mother's Day as a family of four. Both my beautiful girls and all of their wonderful kisses.

Everything is Green and Black

2010-04-17T20:41:00.003-04:00

One my favorite descriptions of all time. When asked what she thought of Springtime, the girl said,

I love the spring. Everything is Green and Black.

Now that may seem a little strange, black not being a color regularly associated with Spring, unless you adjust the way you look at things. Instead of focusing just on that haze of pink that means the trees are budding, or looking just at the lime green of newborn leaves, look at the whole picture and you'll see that so much of it is a rich, dark black. The bark on the trees after the rain and the color of newly tilled fields.... Black owns the Spring with as much fervor as Green.

I was looking at all the black today, quietly hating the cards dealt to me lately and adjusting to the first shock of losing Aspen. And then I heard a whispering sound, very very high above me. When I looked up, I saw that the breeze was mingling through the very first leaves on our maple tree and reminding me to focus a little more on the Green.

Aspen is gone, the last of our three dogs. I'm hoping, though, that for the first time in years she's jumping and playing with her sister and brother and they are all together again.

The Easter Bunny Has Arrived

2010-04-04T00:07:00.003-04:00

Abby
The Easter Bunny Has Been Here! He left lots of goodies and even ate most of the hard boiled egg, as well as took the time to respond to the Easter Bunny Questions left by the kids.

Question 1: Where do you live?
Question 2: Is there a town of Easter Bunnies, or just one of you?
Question 3: Do you Celebrate Every Holiday?
Question 4: Do you have Easter Bunny Babies?

The real question is............ can anyone guess how I answered?

Pheromones

2010-03-26T21:59:00.002-04:00

Evie saw a spider on the playrug tonight. She ran to me, with the face of "SAVEMESAVEMESAVEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" that every mother knows will have traumatic results at bedtime as the horror is revisted... again and again until around midnight when they pass out.

After *gently* pitching a towl over the spider, squelching my own squeals of horror in order to maintain a calm demeanor, I threw the towel, spider and all, outside.

I knew I had better put a good spin on the spider story in order to forstall a bedtime fiasco.

"Sweatpea, it's gone now. He just got lost and I had to help him find his way back outside."

"But what if he comes back? What if he follows the trail? Like the one they can smell but not see? Like ants do?"

Take a moment and let that sink in. My three year old just discussed pheromones. I'm in trouble.

After soccer practice with the boys' team tonight, Abby was telling me that there were so many very cute boys at soccer.

Take a moment and let that sink in. My nine year old just discussed pheromones.
I'm in trouble.

Focus, Concentrate!!! Don't Eat GS Cookies!

2010-03-06T21:34:00.003-05:00

Abby was working on some homework and talking and fidgeting.
Evie, sitting near her, looked up and said,

"Focus, Abby!! Concentrate!!"

Abby took it in good spirits, rolled her eyes and moved on.

Later, when she got her zipper stuck on her coat, she said,

"Mom, can you help me?"

Evie said,

"I can help you, Ab..."

and moved forward to fix it...,

Abby says,

"Oh, no, I draw the line here. I'll fix it myself."

I think, looking back, that my 3 year old taught my 9 year old to be more self-reliant.

On a diet update, I lost a pound. Yeah, salad and tuna for a week and all I lost was a pound. You see, the problem is the Ambien at night. About an hour after I take it, I can't say no to whatever secret goodies are stashed in the fridge. Like the 2 slices of leftover pizza, or the last 3 squares of chocolate from Abby's Wonka Bar.
Frikken Ambien is destroying whatever work I'm gaining during the day, and to top it off:

GIRL SCOUT COOKIES came in today. WTF am I suppossed to do with them?????????????

All Highlights, All the Time!

2010-02-26T23:01:00.002-05:00

Allright, not all the time, but here are the recent highlights:

This morning, Evie said, "Mommy, you're the best Mommy in the whole wide world and I love you."

While I know that this sort of adoration won't last past the next time I tell her that she CANNOT have a popsicle, it in no way dampens my joy at hearing those words.

Today, Abby snowboarded down the big hill at the Grammar School. First time, she made it all the way down the hill. That's just cool. And because it could have been a fluke, I made her do it again. Three times.

My brother gave me a seat license to his Kaspersky anti-virus software, which I used to clean up my PC and get it up and running again. Thank you, Don, and Kaspersky, for being all that Norton isn't.

First day of my offical new diet to work off my medically induced 20 pounds of added weight. I had salad. David brought me chocolate. I can't decide if thats good or bad.

I finished work, made breakfast, lunch and dinner, picked up, played with my kids, brought them sledding, helped with homework and highlighted my hair. All in one day. Without freaking out once about something stupid.

To me, that is a hallmark of a day.

Garbage Day, Redneck Style

2010-02-21T16:01:00.002-05:00

David took the kids to his parents for the day, leaving me in blissful quiet. Empty, cavernous, blissful quiet. The kind of quiet where you can hear your own blood in your ears and start to think that's just kind of cool.

About 4 hours later, afer a marathon watching of Arrested Development, I began to feel guilty that the house was still trashed. I did the dishes, but there was some guilt left. I decided that I would show my gratitude by taking out the garbage so that David didn't have to do it when he got home.

But the driveway is reeeeeeeeeeeally long. And it still has an inch of snow left over from the last storm. Then I got an idea.

I'm sure I'm not the first woman dragging a Radio Flyer sled filled with trashbags down an unplowed driveway while wearing blue plaid rainboots, a flannel jacket and her husband's fleece sweatpants.

Totally got the job done. And I looked goooooooooooooooood doing it!!

:)

Accidental Damages

2010-02-17T22:32:00.004-05:00

A few days after Abby's accident on the pond. She was concentrating on her ice skating and ended up in the middle of a hockey game.... took a stick right to the noggin.

Notice the blood starting to pool in the corners of her eyes..... those black eyes are a'coming!

In case anyone is wondering.... it really was a total accident and the little boy who thwacked her was mortified and apologized from the bottom of his toes.

I wish I could explain more fully to Abby that, unfortunately, she has inherited my penchant for injury. My high-school buddies didn't give me a crash helmet just because it was funny. It was needed.

Happy New Year!!!!!!

2010-02-14T22:03:00.002-05:00

Xin Nian Kuai Le!!!

We wish you a healthy, happy and prosperous Year of the Tiger!!

Today is Chinese New Year, 2010!
Chinese New Year, Lunar New Year, or Spring Festival is the most important of the traditional Chinese holidays. It is commonly called "Lunar New Year", because it is based on the lunisolar Chinese calendar. The festival traditionally begins on the first day of the first month (Chinese: 正月; pinyin: zhēng yuè) in the Chinese calendar and ends on the 15th; this day is called Lantern Festival. Chinese New Year's Eve is known as chú xī. It literally means "Year-pass Eve".

Within China, regional customs and traditions concerning the celebration of the Chinese new year vary widely. People will pour out their money to buy presents, decoration, material, food, and clothing. It is also the tradition that every family thoroughly cleans the house to sweep away any ill-fortune in hopes to make way for good incoming luck. Windows and doors will be decorated with red colour paper-cuts and couplets with popular themes of “happiness”, “wealth”, and “longevity”. On the Eve of Chinese New Year, supper is a feast with families. Food will include such items as pigs, ducks, chicken and sweet delicacies. The family will end the night with firecrackers. Early the next morning, children will greet their parents by wishing them a healthy and happy new year, and receive money in red paper envelopes. The Chinese New Year tradition is a great way to reconcile forgetting all grudges, and sincerely wish peace and happiness for everyone

Good News, Bad News

2010-02-09T22:04:00.000-05:00

The good news is that in less than 3 weeks, Abby has a whole new smile. She looks so beautiful!!

The bad news is that David's flight is cancelled, he won't be home until Thursday and our fireplace is malfuncitoning. I don't know if I can get a repair guy out during the blizzard we're getting tomorrow. So much for spending the snowstorm cozied up by the fire. :(

The 2010 Father/Daughter's Valentine's Day DanceAbb

2010-02-05T19:45:00.002-05:00

Pooka Dots

2010-02-03T23:35:00.002-05:00

This Friday is the Father/Daughter Valentine's Day Dance in our town. A greatly anticipated event, fathers all over our town go all-out to make it a magical date night with their little girls.

Let me put it this way: If you don't order your little girls' their corsage ahead of time, the local florist will give you a SCATHING look and not-so-patiently explain that you'll be getting the leftovers.

Abby and David traditionally go out for a nice dinner before the dance every year. (Pizza, actually, but when you're wearing a silk dress and wearing flowers, its "nice.") This year will be Evie's first year joining them for the Dance.

My memories of past years are vague, as I'm not allowed to attend, so can only go by what I'm told. Here are some highlights from previous years:

The first time David went, it wasn't even with one of his own kids. My niece, Mariah, needed a date for the dance as her father was out of town. David volunteered to take out for dinner and then to the dance. He took her to what was then the finest restaurant East of the River. She ordered lobster. Dinner cost $130.00 During dessert, she looked up and, loudly, proclaimed,

"This place is fancy! Just like the Olive Garden!"

She has never lived it down. I mention it yearly.

The first year Abby went to the dance, she wore the most stunning shade of blue. I have that dress put away, waiting for the day that Evie is big enough to wear it. (It'll be a few more years!) Abby was so excited to get flowers and go on a date with Dad. They didn't get home until very late. She was asleep when he carried her in. She woke up long enough to tell me,

"Uncle Dale was the DJ!!"

My Bro-In-Law's brother is a DJ, and unbeknown to us, DJs our town's Valentine's Dance every year. It is one of the few times we see him during the year. He is an awesome guy with a fantastic wife and kids. I'm jealous that I don't get to go to the dance, because the last time Uncle Dale DJed and event we went to, I got to talk to his wife, Tracy, all night. :)

This year, both my girls are wearing Polka Dots. Both Polka-Dotted, both Pink. But very, very different.

Evie's is a beautiful, large print, multi-shades of Pink number with a bow in back. She has informed me that she needs 4 bows for her hair.

Abby's is a beautiful, sleeveless, tailored and frilled only-at-the-bottom Pink and Brown polka-dotted number. David said

"When did you get old enough to wear a dress like that?"

Just goes to show how (as Evie says it) Pooka-Dots are classic, but they come in all shapes and sizes. One of my girls is going to her first dance. One of my girls is going to her first dance as a young lady.

Keep Bracing Yourself

2010-01-24T20:11:00.000-05:00

No wonder her whole jaw and teeth are still sore! Here are pictures from 4 days ago (DAYS!) and from tonight.

Before and after head shots, and then closeups. I cannot believe just how much her side teeth are already straightening out, and there is already spaces between her teeth.... so when the next set of adult teeth come in, there'll be room!

Brace Yourself, Its here!

2010-01-21T21:30:00.003-05:00

My beautiful baby girl on her 9th Birthday

My beautiful baby girl 3 days later, making that huge leap into a world where looks really do matter and fine, white, straight American teeth rule the adolecent years.

For the record, she was totally brave. I knew she was scared inside because of the way her eyes shifted slightly every second and how she constantly tugged and bent her fingers back, but she didn't let on other than that. When they gave her a mirror, for a second.... her eyes got all watery and her lip quivered, but she held it in. I cried a bit inside for her. I do think she looks cute tho, and the blue bands are totally adorable.

Later, before soccer, my brother said, "She needs a mouthgaurd."

"She hasn't gotten hit in the face with a ball since last spring. It's just one practice. I'll buy a mouthguard tomorrow."

Oh yeah. You guessed it. First 10 minutes of soccer practice, she takes a ball directly to the face. Every parent there winced, sucked their breath in horror and waited. Her lip quivered. Blood started to form on the corner of her mouth. Then she kept playing.

She is an amazing kid.
I am a shitty parent. One who will go and get a mouthguard tomorrow.

The First, and the Squeakquel

2010-01-18T19:57:00.004-05:00

Today is not only Abby's official 9th birthday, it is also the first time she has ever gone to the movies and sat more than a row away from me.... (with her friend, Walker, who is a BOY.)

It is also the first time that Evie has ever gone to the actual MOVIE theater to see a movie.

Here are some quotes from her:

"Wow."
"All the Single Ladies!!!"
"Where's Abby?"

I couldn't catch anything else because the straw from her Slushie didn't acutally leave her lips until approximately 90% through the movie, which is when the cup was empty.

The good news is that David can now take both girls to see movies, which is one of his favborite things to do in the world.

The only bad part of the weekend was when someone said to me

I can't believe she's 9!!! That's almost in the double digits!!

I think I almost cried.

Evie does Beck

2010-01-15T20:52:00.001-05:00

Evie is getting pretty good at the pull back!

Does Anybody have a Peanut??

2010-01-14T14:24:00.004-05:00

Our new bill from Charter came in. I almost fell off my frikken chair and flattened the dog who was on the floor. You know that promotional price you always get? It seems as if we have grandfathered off that and are now UN-FRIKKEN-BUNDLED. And HOLY CRAP does that apparantly make a difference. No problem. I grab the phone.

Hi, this is Marissa! Can I help you?

I need a new promotional price for bundles services, because apparantly mine expired.

No problem! Let me transfer you, mmmmK?

This is Ahhh-lux, cahn I hehlp yu?

(This guy sounds like Andre the Giant from the Princess Bride, I kid you not. It is taking all of my will power and patience to figure out what he is saying. So much for the quick resolution.)
Hi, Alex. I need a new promotional price.

Ohhh Kaaay. Ah cahn hehlp I need yowa ahcount nyumbah

A few minutes later, he breaks in and says

Ah yowa owhn this ahcount?

I should be.

And why is thaaht?

Excuse me?

Why should youwa be owhn this ahcount?

Cuz I married the asshole, that's why.

At that point, I may have lost it and told him that I would need to speak to someone else becuase the sheer effort of being polite while simutaneoulsy trying to understand what he was saying to me was just more than I could bear at that moment.

I called David, briefly gave him the heads up, and explained that he had to make sure AGAIN that I was on the account. And if they asked Why I should be on the account, tell them it is

"Because I married the bitch, thats why!!"

I perhaps don't have the patience that I should have at all times. However, I also believe it is sound business practices to have customer service reps on the phone who are understandable, and even just a smidge nice.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

2010-01-10T22:18:00.002-05:00

After 9 long months, its finally here. No, not a baby. And those take 10 months anyway. I'm talking about my COMPUTER!

You may remember last April, when my home PC got nailed by a vicious little bug and 4 years of my digitized live went belly up. I spent weeks desperately trying to fix it and no matter what I did, that virus found a little registry file to hide in and peak it's head back up as soon as I rebooted. In the end, I gave up and moved on without it. But I was lonely, truth be told.

My brother took pity on me, backed everything up and then completely re-imaged it all for me. It is home, hooked up, working like a charm and almost, yea, almost purring.

THANK YOU to my bro, who spent inhuman hours helping me. and SCREW YOU to the schmucks who think its funny to destroy someone's personal property.

Now if only I could network it easily with Abby's new laptop....... unfortunately anyone with the old XP system is just left behind....

Don't tell me what to do

2010-01-04T22:55:00.003-05:00

Evie and Grandma and I were doing a puzzle today. The Monkey Puzzle, to be exact.
I made the mistake of trying to help her with a difficult Zebra piece.

I know what to do, Mommy. I'm 3 YEARS OLD. You don't need to tell me. I can do it on my own, now.

A few minutes later, when she was still having trouble with another piece:

Mommy, Why aren't you helping me? I'm trying so hard and you're just watching!

I totally can't win. But it is funny as shit to play.

My Surprise Email

2010-01-02T20:52:00.002-05:00

New Year's Eve, Evie told me, "You're my Bes Fwend, Mommy." and I said, rightly, that my year was complete, because who could ask for more?
We've had a wonderful vacation together as a family and we're all happy and content.

Then, tonight, after celebrating a great friend's 40th birthday, we came home and Abby logged onto her laptop.

After she went to bed, I got onto the computer to check email and get some work done. I had a message in my inbox.

From: A Tyrrell
Subject: Good Luck

mom. I hope that you will be ok with me at school.I know I will miss you a lot. Abby

My baby knows how much I miss her when she's at school all day, but how thoughtful that she thinks of me, too? Though the kicker is that the subject says "Good luck."

Santa Isn't For Babies Anymore

2009-12-28T20:53:00.000-05:00

Christmas was just wonderful. Both my girls recieved everything on their Santa Lists and I really think it is a Christmas to remember.

It was very strange because neither of the girls really asked for toys this year. This may be the most Toy-Less Christmas we've ever had. This may be directly related to the fact that we have every toy known to man, but it was still a bit odd. They each asked for very age-appropriate items, or should I say "Stage appropriate?"
Abby was thrilled beyond belief with her Candy Apple Red electric guitar and new laptop, along with a new desk to go with it.

Look at the picture. On one bookshelf are ponies, stuffed animals and art supplies. On the other bookshelf is wall-to-wall books. In between is her new desk. With laptop, dictionaries, World Atlas, multiplication chart and calendar. In the corner of her room is new Fender electric guitar with amp, replacing the painting easel that has been there since she was 2.

Growing up is hard for us parents. Give me a little more time. That last bookshelf is going be gone soon enough.

Evie asked for a piggy bank, a music box, a doll carriage and a new leapster since hers met an unfortunate "washing" accident last September. She got all of those great things, and is most thrilled by the Hello Kitty Digital camera, which she didn't know she wanted until Uncle Don gave it to her. She took to it like water and runs around the house yelling SAY CHEESE!! SAY WAWAMELON!! and then you have .4 seconds to listen to the Def-con 4 missle launch whine of the flash amping up before you're blinded.

If you look closely at the side shot of Abby's new desk, you'll see Evie in all her Flowery-Footy Jammie glory, taking a picture with her new digital camera.

Christmas Tree Cupcake Too Cool for School

2009-12-21T23:10:00.000-05:00

David and I spent the night creating the Christmas Tree Big Top Cup Cake for Abby's class Holiday party tomorrow. I think I can confidently say that we ROCKED the gigantic Tree Cupcake.

And the snowmen marshmallows were simply too cool for school. My idea, but David actually designed them. I think he found a new skill today.

Season of the BIG TOP CUP CAKE

2009-12-18T13:02:00.003-05:00

I am, as we speak, in the midst of baking the BIG TOP CUP CAKE!!!!

Before you begin to lecture me on the evils of sake and late night online shopping, let me break right in and say that I did not personally purchase this. My brother showed up with it, held out like a cermonial sacrifice, and said, "I saw this. I thought it looked like the fun for the kids."

I roughly translated that to "I saw this and I was hungry and weak. I want one, but I don't want to go through the hassle of making it. Make it for me."

Abby's friends at school found out that I was the proud new owner of the BIG TOP CUP CAKE and promptly informed me that that is exactly what I would be contributing to the holiday party at school.

Honestly, for a moment I was a hero. "Mrs. Tyrrell is brining in a BIG TOP CUP CAKE!!!! ABBY'S MOMS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Then it occurred to me that my cake decorating talents are minimal, at best, even following a template.

Hence we come to the "dry run." Sure its more expensive to do the whole damn thing twice, but this way I have at least one under my belt and can learn from any obvious mistakes before trying to present a bunch of 8 year olds with thier first taste of Infomercial Video vs. Real Life.

I'll keep you all updated, possible with pictures. If its not too bad.

Post Edit:

Not too bad!! Thank goodness for the dry run to get the hang of it, though!

For Abby's class, I'm going to do the Christmas tree. For anyone else attempting it, remember that frosting is hard to make look nice, icing is easier.

Santa's Workshop, with Grandma

2009-12-15T21:46:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas, Baby

2009-12-13T21:21:00.003-05:00

Abby's video

http://portablenorthpole.tv/watch/170f7c1da7acd2f0da5ea77f7427e6cb

My girls got thier own personalized message from Santa today in what is the most advanced and amazing video that I have ever seen. Completely personalized, down to the letter, literally.

Evie's video

http://portablenorthpole.tv/watch/c5fc69ce1472c439194353ffbe6d1954

Evie is very concerned about how Santa knows if you have been good or bad. I told her she had better mind her manners, cuz Santa could hear.

"No, Mama. Santa isn't here. He can't hear me."

Then she changed her mind real fast when she saw Santa's video to her. :)

Grandma's Catalog is Selling Dildos

2009-11-24T22:46:00.004-05:00

For years, I've ordered "Santa Letter" service from them. Your order the service and they send a form letter from Santa with your child's name on it and other small personalized details included. It gives your kid the illusion that Santa himself is writing to them, knows their name and actually cares if they have been bad or good, for goodness sake.

My kid learned a little more from the Walter Drake catalog this year.

Being Christmas time, my daughter thumbs through all the catalogs that we receive in the mail and uses a marker to tick off things in the "Want" category. I encourage this. It makes my shopping life easier. The Walter Drake catalog is a bit boring in the toy department, seeing as its what I usually categorize as a Grandma catalog, but my daughter will leave no stone unturned during the Christmas season and goes through every catalog that we receive, and every one that Grandma gets, too.

For most of my life, I remember my mother getting the Walter Drake catalog. It is the type of magazine style catalog that sells Christmas Cards with religious messages, silky hair-caps to keep your 'do in place while you sleep, compression socks for your legs and kitchen gadgets to make your culinary life a little easier. My mother has boxes of Walter Drake Christmas Cards that she still sends out every year.

This year, as my oldest daughter sat at the kitchen counter reviewing the Walter Drake Holiday Offerings, near the end of the magazine her little eyebrows knitted together.

"Weird," she said, putting the catalog down and retreating to the couch to read Percy Jackson.

I picked up the magazine and started going through it to see if she left me any hints as to what she may want to get from Santa this year.

I wasn't expecting the selection of Dildos on page 47.

Sandwiched between the ads for Diabetes Compression Gloves to relieve chronic pain and extra foam cushioning to make your Wheel Chair more comfortable, there was a selection of Erotic Toys. The "Don Wand, the Gigi and the new, waterproof 9 inch want with 5 attachments and eight vibrating patters.

I am really hoping that my 8 year old was too bored to get passed the more pedestrian "Skinny Wallet" and the "Under the Eye Lift Serum." I'm not sure that she got to the Dildo page. I'm a little scared to ask.

My 3 year old thumbed through the magazine, too. So did Grandma, to whom the catalog was sent in the first place.

I will never, ever consider Walter Drake to be a Grandma Catalog again. At least not the kind of Grandma I can envision without wincing.

Know your Place!!

2009-11-21T19:14:00.002-05:00

The first day of the official Indoor Soccer season began with new uniforms, on a new field, under a massive, new air-formed dome. Which, incidentally, smelled like "new pool float."

We were so excited about Abby's first game on a premier team and she was mentally and physically ready, willing and able.

How did she do???????????????????????????????????

I think "unmitigated disaster" would be kinda fair. Painful to watch, painful to look at, painful to be there. Having only really played one defensive position for the past two years, the poor kid had no idea what the coach meant when he told her different positions.
When he told her to mark up to a certain player on the other team, she nodded her head but wouldn't cross the halfway line to mark up. She was suppossed to be on on side of the field in a new position, but didn't understand and went to another side by mistake. When she realized her mistake, I thought she was going to cry out there. Hundreds of people, three fields, kids who are AWESOME players kickin her butt and she was just trying to figure out her place in it all.
Poor kid. We'll work on knowing positions and getting her confidence back up so that she can go kick butt like she normally does.
Until then, remember what it was like to be the only kid out there who didn't know your place? I had that memory in vivid detail today.

Back to Funny

2009-11-15T18:59:00.002-05:00

"Evie, what happened today that made us laugh really really hard?"

"My bup."

"Excuse me?"

"My bup. It always makes you laugh, Mommy."

"It does?"

"Yes. Cuz its so cute."

So, other than Evie's butt, which is that cute, here were other funny things that happened today:

1. I remembered, vividly, how slippery the rocks are at Hammonnassett Beach. That was about a millisecond before I remembered how cold the water is in November. That was a microsecond before I fell in and remembered how much I dislike wet, sandy, clingy clothes stuck to me.

At the same exact time, I recalled how much I loved the beach. Every sandy, wet, cold, slippery bit of it.

2. On the way home, my brother had a look of happy exhaustion that melted from his face, replaced horror and regret.
"Oh, God. I forgot to take the huge snails out of the bucket after I showed Evie."

I got some great pictures of my mom and Evie and Don having a beach picnic at sunset and a lot of "prippy prippy shells."

Bring On the Schwnn Mann

2009-11-14T23:43:00.003-05:00

Im not funny again. If were hoping to funny, try fast forward 8 or 9 weeks and hope for the best. Or if you know one of my siblings, gett'em really drunk. Turst me, they are funny too.

Any whooooooooooooo I'm alone and pretty drunk on a saturday night. Oh, that's gonna hurt my health? I beg to differe at this momement.

Everyone else had some realy imporantthings to do latly andI'm just jealous that I didn't have seomting either. There's a lot of things that I radther' be doing.

Its not going to make me over. Im' planning on becoming a complete recluse starting this comeing week, right ater school conferences. After that, Im all about the Shwan Man for grocery delivery, Maybe I can play it off as mysterious. David made plans for mid December. I tol him he was insane and to cancell at least my part of the plans..... find another date or take our oldest dauthter.

Com'n, its not like anyone really noticed, so save the comments for your own sepctactural lives. No big. You're not a worse person, so don't feel anyguilt. You're just the normal person.

Kick 'em When They're Up

2009-11-13T21:58:00.003-05:00

I've talked before about being a genetic cesspool. A very pretty, very smart genetic cesspool. It has been a running joke with another friend of mine who is also very pretty and very smart and who happens to be a genetic cesspool that you simply don't want to dip a toe in. We always laughed at "those girls" and told ourselves that "at least we have looks and brains." It made the situation funny and gave us a bit of self confidence back.

Don't get all judgemental if you haven't been there. I'd give you my shoes to walk in but they aren't going to fit you.

I found out, recently, that due to my genetic-cesspoolness, the limited and rapidly decreasing value of my looks is about to hit the wall and then slide down it in a pile of stinking goo. Not that I have much looks left over from the wild days of youth, but its been enough to get by. Anywhoo, the treatment for my cesspool genetics is going to really destroy any vestigial looks that I have now.

That's when I found out how vain I am.

When I lauged and said that all I had was my looks and brains, I thought was being funny and self-depreciating. Apparently I wasn't.

The question isn't really "Will you love me when I'm ugly?" but "Will I love myself when I'm ugly?"

I don't know the answer. I thought I put more value on myself than this, but maybe not. When is fate going to stop kicking me in the face? And, I mean that pretty literally this time. Ha. I said "pretty."

Musings on Cleaning

2009-11-06T21:19:00.002-05:00

For those of you who have been there, done that or are currently doing that, I have a question to pose:

I spent my morning cleaning. I mean really cleaning. Bathrooms, kitchen, vaccuum, beds, laundry and even washed my floors. Yes, even the litter box was a pristine little clay sand pile. When I left to go volunteer at Abby's school, my house was beautiful. Or really, as good as it gets.

Within 3 minutes of my family coming in the door, there were:

Leaves wafting across my floor
Paw prints in the entry room
Backpacks, coats, a sweatshirt and shoes strewn everywhere.
A laundry basket filled with the day's clothes.

"David, what the hell?!? Did you even notice it was clean when you walked in?? Please tell me you saw that it was perfectly clean!"

"Um.... I was distracted. The cat just pooped in the litter box and it smells."

All that work, and in the 15 seconds it was visible, the whole thing was negated because the cat chose that moment to poop.

So, for those of you who have or have had pets and children and husbands and a fleetingly clean home, does the memory of the spotlessness sustain you, or is there knee-jerk reaction to frantically clean it again just to enjoy it??

Blogging and the Running Commentary

2009-10-24T20:05:00.002-04:00

I know a lot of people that get a lot of comments on their blogs. Alas, I'm not one of those people. Not that I don't like comments, I do. I like them very, very much. I just don't get them very often. Kind of like shoes, but anyhoo......

The people who read my blog don't comment, they call. They call me or text me or tell me in person what they thought of my latest posts. (Apparantly I don' t have a big international audience!)

These are some of the latest comments about my blog posts:

I like the ones about the kids the best. I don't care about you. (thanks, kathy!)
Put more pictures up. You write too much.
I like the funny posts.
Lately you're not funny. You're really bitchy.
You sound bitchy. How's the not smoking going?
You're so funny! I love it when you post after taking your ambien!
Ohmigod! You drunk-blogged again!! That was so funny! Do it again!
You're so funny. I love your blog.

It's my blog. MINE. Allllllllllll Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnneeee. And Mom says its okay to be bitchy if you've had a rough day, so there!

Bwaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Congratulations!!! Here's Your Bill and Your Low Self-Esteem

2009-10-22T14:13:00.005-04:00

There are so many wonderful things that happen in the fall. :::queue the whimsicle music:::

Things I love:
Today, Evie and I found a teeny tiny crayfish, and a MONSTROUS crayfish right after that.
Things I hate:
I tried to pick up the big one and discovered that, no, I still haven't overcome the fear of a lobster pinch, no matter how small the lobster.

Things I love:
That Abby tried out for the premier soccer team and made it!!
Things I hate:
The bill that came with that.

Things I love:
That Abby's Orthdontist is so wicked cool, and he honestly believes she'll need the palate expander for the next year, then have three years off totally, then braces for only 6 months after that.
Things I hate:
The bill that came with that.

Things I love:
Getting uncharacteristically plastered and then blogging.
Things I hate:
The bill that comes with that one too, though it technically isn't monetary, but emotional.

Things I love:
Evie passed her school evaluation like the little genius she is
Things I hate:
The certain knowledge that I may be screwed by this later on in life.

For those of you waiting for the humourous interlude........ I bought a pair of shoes!!!! Way cool little black boots to go with the one pair of nice jeans I have left in my closet. Of course when I went to go out with friends last night, I realized that my one pair of nice jeans is missing. And the boots look stupid with any other pair of jeans. And all the other pairs of jeans looked stupid, too. And I looked stupid in them. So I put on the stupid pair of jeans, and had to wear my same old stupid UGG boots, which looked really stupid because the stupid jeans are bootcut, not skinny. But that's okay, I'll just keep my feet under the table, right? Top up I'll look okay, right? No, cuz my nice fall jacket is missing too. So all I had was my old sweatshirt-jacket. And, yes, you guessed it, it looked stupid.

Actually, as I described it to Jayne while driving (an hour late) to meet with friends, "I look like a fat lumberjack. A stupid, fat, lumberjack."

But my kids are crazy-ass talented and smart, so we're all good. :)

Costume Shopping Aint What it Used to Be

2009-10-15T14:10:00.002-04:00

"I want to be a Pirate," says Abby.
"I want to be a Doctor," says Evie.

Okay. So off to the Costume store we go for our Halloween extravaganza shopping spree.

"Now you've each chosen what you want to be. Find that costume in the right size, then accessories. No changing it up 20,000 times, okay? You. Have. Decided."
"Uh-huh. Okay, Mom."

I imagined going in, finding a pirate costume and a doctor costume, finding the right size, heading off to the accessories to get swords and stethiscopes and glowy neclaces and bracelets and then we'd be done.

This is how it actually went down.

Abby:
"I like THAT Pirate costume"
"Um, Ab, that's for a 23 year old hooker. I don't think so."

Evie:
"Mommy, I want to be the fairy"
"Evie, that's a $100 costume, and you have 7 fairy dresses at home you can use if you want to be a fairy. We can wear one of those."

We left with what I still consider to be a slightly too-short pirate costume for a CHILD and a multi-accessorized fairy costume.

I cannot win.

I Worry Too Much

2009-10-08T12:55:00.002-04:00

And complain too much, but there are worse things.

I was working on an assigment from a client, upstairs at my mom's house. Evie and Grandma are downstairs playing a rousing game of Don't Break the Ice. It's very quiet down there.

Evie comes to the bottom of the stairs and calls up to me,
"Mommy! Gramma not working! We gotta problem!"

My first thought is.
Ohmigod... is mom dead? Did she die right there playing Don't Break the Ice and Evie has been trying to wake her up while I was working upstairs?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?

Don't worry, all was well. They had finished thier game and my mom was trying to work the TV to get a toon on for Evie. And aparantly not doing it right.

Jayne says, "C'mon!! Everyone Who Matters LOVES You!"

2009-10-07T12:01:00.003-04:00

I was sitting next another soccer mom at a recent event. While we're not drinking buddies or anything, it certainly isn't the first time we've chatted. She has an exiciting and pretty darn amazing career and I like hearing her stories about it.

In conversation about an upcoming weekend game, I mentioned,
"I'll proably take off for a while during the break in games. I've got to work."
She looked me blankly.
"Stalls?"
"Uh, no."
"Oh, I thought you cleaned stalls or worked at a barn for a living."

Now without going into the rest of the conversation, in which I actually explained what I do for living in addition to be a staying at home mom, the actual crux of the problem is this:

It occurs to me that in all this time, this person never asked me what I do for a living, or even wondered. Multiple college degrees, professional designations, executive awards and published works, and none of it ever discussed? C'mon, I know I talk a lot. At some point, I must've mentioned one of the above in a conversation.

This leads me to a couple of possible conclusions:

1. This person heard "Barn, Horses, Stalls" and deemed me uneducated enough to not ever listen past that.
2. This person just never considered me interesting enough to care in the first place.

Which leads me to two more possible conclusions about those conclusions:

1. I either got judged by my personality or by what they assumed I did for a living.
2. I'm adooooorable! So it must be the barn thing.

HA!

Abby for the WIN

2009-10-04T17:30:00.003-04:00

The day can't pass without celebrating Abby's amazing soccer game and a wonderful win for the team. Everyone was happy, cheerful, supportive and downright LOUD in their pride and admiration for all the kids on the team. Hell, I even cheered for the other team when they got a hard-earned goal. They worked for it, so why not?

Evie was a trooper for the whole game, which was under a blindingly hot Indian Summer Sun. We were all sweating and possibly melting, but the flush of victory kept us in our seats. :)

David Julie did a great job coaching and I'm just so happy to have been there for the win.

Now I have to finish working, pay my mom's bills and get the kids ready for bed.

Tomorrow is Daffodil Planting Day at Abby's school, which I volunteered for, so that should make for an interesting next post.

Random Thoughts on Tequila

2009-10-01T23:45:00.004-04:00

After having a massive margarita or (2) my first in a very, very long time, I have some random Thoughts On Tequila:

1. I have some truly remarkable people who support me.

Not that they have a choice. Some of them are related to me, but still, I appreciate the effort involved. Eventually you know I've gotcher back.

2. My kids are awesome.

I think I'm making an absolute disaster of their lives and they still love me. I ask them to be better than me... stronger, smarter, faster. Bionic frikken kids, and they try. I pray (and I'm not a praying type of gal) that they'll not fall victim to my own faults and insecurities. Some of the traits are inherited, some are learned, and I really want better for them than I had. There are a few people out there who think my kids aren't awesome. Well, really? Take a good peek at your own. Then get over it.

3. Every parent wants what is best for their own child.

If our child is really lucky, it's what's best for them, too.

4. The best parents are the ones who want what's best for all children, not just their own.

They raise the kind of kids we are all proud of. The kind of kids we wish we were. The kind of kids we hope we can raise. The kind of parents we hope we can be. We almost always fail in comparison. I've watched as others this parent down ever so quiety so as not to raise a commontion. and leave the minimum of tears.

5. If we really knew the other person, we might not say such bad things.

It's easy to talk crap about a person you don't really know. Once you get to know them then you tend to see things from their point of view more easily. This is an important fact, and is directly involved with points 2. and 3. and 4. If you're only inviting the same group that worships you continually, are you REALY getting the whole story, here?

6. Outsides might change, insides are slow to follow.

Right here was a whole lot of stuff that I typed but ended up deleting. Too much Tequila can be bad for us even if it makes us say things we really mean and need to say.

7. Lucky Seven. What would be the really, truly honest thing to say?

Here goes..............................

I deleted it all. HA!

I'm Running out of Shoes

2009-09-24T14:03:00.003-04:00

My closet is growing dustbunnies. There are just too few shoes taking up that valuable floor space to inhibit the growth of dustbunnies. Empty. Bereft. That's my closet. Though my outfits have long past the stage of true fashionable interchangability and I'm down to a just a few choice outfits for the rare occasions that I need to look decent, thats still no reason for a girl to not have a big shoe choice.

So where have my shoes gone?

They're all over, strewn somewhere on the roads and in the roadside woods along the way from the barn in Columbia to my home a few towns away.

Why are my shoes in roadside ditches?

Because I go to the barn, exit my truck. Lean against the bumper of my truck, take off my shoes, put on my riding boots, then ride, come back and get in my truck to go home.

Did I forget anything?

You betcha. I left my shoes on the bumper of my truck. Sometimes one shoe will actually manage to cling to the bumper to be found when I pull into my driveway and get out and see it.

Today I lost one sneaker. My closet is gonna be really pissed off. But the dust bunnies will be happy.

My closet now consists of:

A fierce pair of 5 inch heels
A pair of flip flops
A pair of UGGS
A pair of Hooker Boots that I bought for a Halloween party a few years ago

No, honestly, that's all I have left for shoes in my closet. What the hell do I wear to the PTO meetings?

My Almost 9 Year Old is a Hormonal Mess

2009-09-21T20:30:00.002-04:00

The mood swings, the tantrums, the screaming, the hugs 2 seconds later like nothing ever happend. If its this bad now, at almost 9, what the HELL am I going to do when she hits 13?

No, honestly, someone needs to tell me what I'm going to do here. Abby is like my best friend, but I might consider boarding school if this keeps up.

My Kid is Trying to Kill Me

2009-09-16T16:43:00.003-04:00

We have an attic over our house, the kind with the pull down wodden stairs that, when folded, go flush with the ceiling. Attics suck, but its better than no storage space at all.
Well, over the weekend as I was turning Evie's baby room into Evie's Big Girl room, I had to go up to the attic to retrieve Abby's old bed guard. You know, the mesh guard that keeps little kids from falling out of big beds in the middle of the night.

So I'm in the attic, about to climb back down with my safety-thing. I take a quick peek down the attic stairs/ladder to the hallway to remind myself that its a long fall off of rickety wood stairs to a tile floor. Evie was standing in the hallway looking up at me and smiling. I smiled back and turned. My foot was hovering around the third rung when a warning bell went off in my brain.

what was she holding that was shiny??
I brought my foot back up and sat on the floor of the attic, looking down.

"Evie, what are holding?"
"This, Mommy," she giggled.

Evie then holds up a metal bracket in one hand, and a fistful of nuts and bolts in the other.

My kid had dismantled the bottom 4 rungs of the stairs/ladder. It was holding on by the one remaining bracket with no nuts or bolts at all. I think she's trying to kill me.

And yes, I had to jump.

2009-09-12T21:24:00.003-04:00

Real girls play soccer, even in the rain.

And they look pretty darn cool doing it.

Our day today was mostly spent at Soccer fields, with a little bit of shopping thrown in for measure at the end of the day.

Tonight will be the last night that Evie spends in her crib. Tomorrow afternoon we'll be setting up her "Big girl bed" and redecorating. As usual, she has picked out a Butterfly theme for just about everything. The only big exception was that she chose the massive fuzzy-soft pink blanket over the not-so-soft butterfly comforter.

I'm a little sad that our home will finally be void of a baby crib. Even after Abby had outgrown it, we still kept it in the spare room because we knew that eventually we would have another baby occupying it. Tomorrow it will be dismantled and put in the attic, maybe for a grandchild many, many, many years from now.

Show Me

2009-09-11T19:18:00.001-04:00

Hold onto me, and I'll show you the world.

Sigh. My girls.

Evie Turns The Big 0-3!!

2009-09-04T20:34:00.000-04:00

The day was not-too sunny, not-too cloudy and just-enough warm. Perfect for a pool party Birthday! All our friends came and the little ones brought their swimmies and floaties. Evie, of course, brought none of those things. She brings older cousins who cater to her, carry her, float with her in the pool and otherwise meet every needs.

Yes, Mariah. I mean you.

See? Evie's personal floatation device!

Can you even get over how cute this cake is? Not only cute but c'mon, a caterpiller? I LOVE caterpillers!

And you should have seen how many ears perked up when I asked "Who wants grass??"

Hmm, yeah. I was talking cake. Who wants the grass pieces of the cake. Makes me question the quality of the invite list!

The theme of the party was Butterflies and Flowers. Though I seem to have NOT gotten pictures of the balloons ::smacking self::: they really were everywhere. Evie chose the theme and all the goods that went with it, including handpicked butterfly balloons and tableware, right down to telling the baker how many butterflies, how many bees and how many caterpillers should be on the cake. It took forever, but she was proud and confident in her choices.

We chose the perfect flower pinata.

We did not purchase the flower pinata. Why did we not purchase the flower pinata that we spent a half hour choosing? Because we saw this on the way out of the store.

And this is what it became:

We loved having our wonderful friends over to celebrate out big, big, big girl's 3rd Birthday.

editors note: the big big big part was demanded in the rewrite to coincide with the new household policy of "I not a baby. I a Big, Big, Big girl." followed by a firm statement that she had to pee, and that Mommy should wait outside the bathroom door for her.

Personal Kryptonite

2009-09-03T19:58:00.000-04:00

Everyone has their own personal form of kryptonite. Mine is cilantro. Yes, you read that correctly. I have the unfortunate ability to taste cilantro in the very air if it's in the room and it is the most vile thing in the world. My stomach turns, I break into a sweat, I get all weak and then I have to go dive into something chocolate to forget the horror of it all. I'm not kidding. My friend Vicki makes a to-die-for Hawaiin salsa that I can't get enough of. I thought she was so sweet to make me my own bowl of it, then I found out that the main recipie had cilantro in it... and she's such a great friend that she took out my portion before she added cilantro to the main batch.

I luf her.

Abby's kryptonite is broccoli. David was foolish enough to demand that she try a large piece of it while at a restaurant with other family members. Apparantly the gag reflex is genetic. She lost the broccoli and most of her dinner on the floor immediately.

Evie's kryptonite is her rocking horse. The 70's version that is suspended by the Springs-Of-Death. No one, and I mean no one, is getting on that horse if Evie is around. If you try, she comes at you like.... well, like a 29 pound linebacker with a voice matching the pitch and octave of a smoke alarm.

We all have our limits.

Momentous Occassions

2009-09-02T19:12:00.009-04:00

Some big things happened in the past month. Let's recap in chronological order:

1. Abby showed in the 4-H fair.

Even though she was by far the youngest, she still managed to beat the pants off a few kids in every class. Jeepers acquitted himself in his own style. He was so bad in Abby's jumping class that by the time she finally got him to a fence and got him over it, the entire crowd burst into spontaneous cheers. The judge was laughing so hard so hard she had tears in her eyes. Anyway.... I think that was what the tears were from. It might have been horror, I'm not sure.

2. Abby and Jeepers won this years Costume Contest at the fair.

They were Dorothy and Toto from The Wizard of Oz. Abby was Toto. Jeepers was Dorothy.

See how thats funny? The little bastard can buck me off, but I can make him wear a dress, a wig and red sparkly slippers. Of course the joke may be on me, because he seems to enjoy dressing in drag.

3. Evie turned the big 0-3!!

We sent out invitations for the pool party, but this being New England, land of It-Will-Rain-On-Your-Birthday, we put an addendum on her invite that specified Rain or Shine, and just in case people didn't get it in text form, I put Evie in front of the pool in her bathing suit and snorkel while wearing rain boots and holding an umbrella.

Invites with precautions for the illiterate or the very rushed, totally my style.

The party was so much fun, and we had so many of our very favorite people there that it deserves a post of it's own, which will be coming forthwith. ;)

4. Abby started 3rd grade. I remember a few years ago, taking that first "First Day of School" picture. Abby was so little and cute. Now she's all "What-eveh" and has her hair done just so and, did I mention, she got her ears pierced??? Mmm-yeah. 3rd grade. She's gotta wait on the tat though. Like, 30 more years or so.

5. Evie had her Pre-School Orientation. She's very excited because her friend Jayda is in her class. Her pre-school looks amazing and I can't wait to have her really be a part of it. I'm excited to see how she does and how much she learns.

No pictures of it yet, though, cuz I'm waiting until her first day to take official pictures.
But since she's so darn cute, here is a Random Cuteness photo:

"Hey, Tarzan. Yeah. Get me a sippy-cuppa juice, pronto."

Checkbooks and Horseshows Go Hand and Hoof

2009-06-09T20:42:00.005-04:00

"Abby, that costs a lot of money."

"What's the big deal? Just whip out the checkbook and write the number down and give it to them. Wa-La!"

"Um, honey, you do understand that you need to have money in the bank to write a check, right?"

"Dude, I just know how to fill the check in."

Oh yes, that's my girl.

Now onto today's VIDEO portion of our blog. Abby's first, official, by-God-she-did-it-herself WALK/TROT horseshow! Now, for all of our not-so-regular readers, I'll give you a hint on how to find Abby in this video. She's the only kid on a pony. Apparently, all the other kids' parents took the "Horse" in "Horse-Show" to heart and bought their kids a big ol' horse. Finding Abby is kind of like playing Where's Waldo, but in reverse.

Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to my friend Ellen for helping us out at the show all day. I'm sure you had better things to do on a Sunday, but know that your sacrifice to the Equine Gods was truly appreciated.

Blizzard of the Blue Moon Movie Preview

2009-05-19T14:49:00.002-04:00

This is Abby's School Video Project. She wanted to do a Movie Trailer for the book, "Blizzard of the Blue Moon" which is a Magic Treehouse Book by Mary Pope Osborne. Alas, I suck as an editor, but it's the best I can manage. Until Abby starts working with real director, she'll have to make do.

Thank You to our friend, Walker, for co-staring in the video. And thanks to Evie for wearing the beard made out of shredded Charmin, and to the pony for wearing a unicorn horn made out of paper duct taped to his halter.

Dear Blog Gods

2009-05-15T19:59:00.003-04:00

Dear Internet Blog Gods,

It has been many weeks since my last blog post. I admit that much of the blame lies with me, but I would like to note that other things have gotten in the way as well.

For instance:

1. The fucking Vundo virus that still infects my PC
2. My inability to type well on David's laptop (get your minds out of the gutter)
3. Soccer
4. Softball
5. Brownies (the giggling type, not the gooey chocolate kind)
6. The cleaning of the barn (Jeepers, if only you knew the work involved in loving you)
7. My mom (Wonderful, sainted lady... how did you raise 5 children?)
8. Playgroup (I made a Bumblebee today, thank you very much)
9. My job (An article that I wrote was referenced in a NY Times post...cool)
10. Meals (Could my kids just eat cereal in the morning like everyone else? And what the fuck is so wrong with frozen pancakes? Do you NEED everything to made, from scratch, at 6:45 in the morning? And even if you didn't, aren't from-scratch french toast good enough? Did you NEED it to be served with balled cantalope and sausage.... and warmed syrup?)
11. David (No, not really, but a list doesn't feel right without him in it)

In conclusion, blog gods, I admit that I have pictures to back up my new stories about how Miss. B tried to kill me, again, among other things. I'll get to them.

Antivirus and No Joy in Mudville

2009-04-01T20:31:00.005-04:00

I have been visited and royally screwed by a computer virus.

No, no, not that annoying little thing that has been on the news.

My beloved PC has been totally F*&&*(#ed up by a Vundo virus.

Omigosh, don't you have anti-virus protection.

Yes. I do.

Didn't it detect the virus?

Yes, it sure did. After my computer already got it.

Didn't your antivirus software kill the virus?

I'm glad you asked. Norton AV tried to kill the virus. Then it just said it couldn't. Have a nice frikken day.

Did you run Norton AV's Vundofix.exe?
Yeah. It said I didn't have vundo. Even though regular Norton AV says I do.

Did you call Norton's help desk?
That's an affirmative. "Bob" from Bangalore told me they'd be happy to help, if I could just give them my credit card so that they could bill me for assistance in getting rid of something their product was suppossed to protect me from in the first place.

Did you run Malwarebytes?
You bet. In safe mode. With process explorer halting have the processes to be sure it wiped the virus out.

I have spent 8 flippin days and nights trying to fix my computer. This weekend I have to perform the equivalent of surgery on it. Without benefit of an education or residency.

So my question is this......... why do these jackass programmers send these viruses out?

They aren't taking down THE MAN. They aren't dirupting CORPORATE AMERICA. They're simply destroying the livelyhood of everyday shmoes like me trying to pay bills, get the kids to soccer and put a meal on the table.

I bet that if they caught some of these hackers and left them alone in a room full of soccermoms with baseball bats and no internet connection, there'd be a lot less need for AntiVirus software.

Alas, my posts are from an "alternate location" for now.

Did I mention that I quit smoking 11 days ago and that I'm REALLY GRUMPY!??

The Factory Needs Capital for Kisses

2009-03-24T07:53:00.003-04:00

This is a typical converstation between me and my oldest daughter:

"I love you, Abby."

Sigh. "I'm busy, Mom."

"Too busy to say I love you?"

"Yup."

"Well, then I'll be too busy later to get you dessert."
.........

"I love you, Mom."

Grumpy "No, no. Too late. Not good enough now."

"I'll give you a neck kiss later..."

"Okay, deal."

Later on that evening, around the time of expentant neck kisses...

"Mom, I've got good news and I've got bad news. Which do you
want first?"

"The bad news."

"The pipes broke at the KISS factory, and they can't afford to
fix them right now."

"Okay. What's the good news?"

"The good news is that they have some kisses in inventory, but
they're saving them. I can't give any out."

So here are my questions

Is my kid watching too much CNN?

or

Did my kid just roughly translate our entire recession in a KISS
analogy?

Parental Pride Post

2009-03-16T19:30:00.003-04:00

Okay, back to the parental pride post that I promised everyone...

Abby scored a 100% on her semester Math test!!!!!! Whoooo-hoooo!!!!!!!! This is a big test, with a lot of hard problems, and my brilliant baby ROCKED it!!

My other little Einstein-in-the-wings is working on her letters (she's only two, so that's just as big an accomplishment) and actually wrote two "A's" that I could recognize easily. She's also starting to recognize two different sight words when we're reading her books at night. My goal? Reading independently by 4.
Here's a picture of her A's.

Chuck Norris, You've Got a Phone Call

2009-03-11T19:45:00.006-04:00

I had a great post all set for tonight, detailing my BEAUTIFUL and INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT and TALENTED daughters' achievements today... but I read something that scared the crap out of me so much that I'm shelving my parental pride until tomorrow.

In an article on CNN.com today, Chuck Norris was a featured interview because he released a memo about just how much he'd like to be President... of Texas.

I may run for president of Texas,” Norris wrote Monday in a column posted at WorldNetDaily. “That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state.”

Well, my goodness. For the first time in YEARS, a particular Texan didn't get the President that he wanted so he's gonna stomp his feet and threaten to walk out on the party. A little childish, isn't it? Hmmmmm?

The actor claimed “thousands of cell groups will be united around the country in solidarity over the concerns for our nation” and said that if states decide to secede from the union, that Texas would lead the way.

Um, Chuck? The phone's for you. It's Homeland Security. They wanna chat.

“Anyone who has been around Texas for any length of time knows exactly what we'd do if the going got rough in America,” Norris wrote. “Let there be no doubt about that.”

Funny, I know a lot of people from Texas, and I've never known any of them to turn tail and run when things don't go their way. Maybe you're living in a whole OTHER Texas, where people "know what they'll do" when things get rough.

Chuck, you may not like the President or the current State of the Union, however, while you're sleeping snug in your fortified desert fortress, take a minute to imagine what Dubbya would have done a couple of years ago if, say, Michael Moore talked about joining a "cell" group.

I'm juss sayin'.

Oh and by the way, thousands of groups did ban together, legally, and then they VOTED.

Help!!

2009-03-09T20:31:00.002-04:00

Psssssttt!!! Hello? Can you hear me?
***knocking on monitor screen***
I need your help! I'm trapped in Chey's kitchen! She doesn't know I'm there, but if I try to leave, she'll find me and that'll be it!
***furtive glance around corner***
There used to be dozens of us, but... but... oh, god, the horror....
***sniffle, sob, sob***
Please, help me! help me!! Oh shit, here she comes!!!!

Hey, has anyone seen the last few Tag-A-Long cookies?? I thought I left a couple in the cabinet......

The Trail of Tears

2009-03-03T07:03:00.004-05:00

*****EDIT******
I gave up and called our friend, Jeremy, to come and plow the rest of the driveway. Thank you, Jeremy, Thank you Plow.

The trail of tears. That's what I've nicknamed my driveway.

Over 300 feet of dirt, gravel and rock, with a pretty little "S" curve around a huge, majestic beech tree, it goes on and on until it finally reaches the road.

Pituresque, you say? Nice to have some privacy, you say?

Screw that.

With the untimely death of our snowblower 2 years ago due to complications of stupidity and inconsistant maintenance, we are on our own with 2 shovels.

After spending 8 weeks encased in solid ice, our driveway finally melted on Saturday and we had gravel again. On Sunday through to Monday, we were the proud recipients of 16" of more snow. That's over a foot. And it's heavy snow, too.

Winter is not yet done wringing the last bits of life out of my bones.

I spent 2 hours yesterday shoveling half the driveway. It was the most I could do before my back went out and I spent the night on muscle relaxants.
Today, tears welling in my eyes and my back spasming at the thought, I will have to go back out there for round 2.

My driveway. The trail of tears.

Good Morning, Dog Poop.

Things that Penetrated the Foggy Melancholy

2009-02-26T21:59:00.004-05:00

The craptastic environment has been getting to me. Everywhere I go, friends are being laid off of work and those that do still have a job are waiting for it to go, too. Everyone is stressed out and mentally hiding away in fuzzy fleece jammies with a stash of Ben&Jerrys and a Cadbury Bar thrown in.

Well, that's where I've been anyway.

So because It's been WAY TOO LONG since I posted, and I have a million wonderful, funny, amusing and just plain interesting things to say, but not the will power to say it, I will leave you all with this:

A list of things that penetrated the foggy haze of my melancholy this past month:

* Evie says "Eyeuvoo, Mommy"
* Abby still let's me hold her close, at least when none of her friends are looking
* David makes the best Alfredo sauce, but gamely tells me how good mine is
* My Mom doesn't remember what I said to her 5 minutes ago, but she can still make the BEST french toast in the whole wide world (is that like muscle memory?)
* Aspen still *floofs* her butt in the air and lolls out her tongue when I say "Who's a Pretty Girl???"
* Jeepers runs past me, into the barn, flings the cover off the grain bin, steals a mouthful and then turns to wisely love me up before I take a pitchfork to his butt
* Abby wants to be an Animal Protector when she grows up. And a Dragon Rider
* Evie checks the 2nd graders' classwork and sagely nods her head if they are doing it right
* Old books are like old friends. You know every word, every story, every nuance, and welcome them each like a new discovery on a well-worn path
* David gave me the warm blanket, even when he could have had it for himself
* Evie looks out her window when she wakes up. I begin our morning litany with "Good Morning..." and she says the thing we're saying good morning to outside of her window. As in, "Good morning, tree. Good morning, snow. Good morning, bushes." Only one recent morning, as we looked out her window and I began by saying "Good Morning...." she piped up with "Og poop." Okay, then. "Good morning Dog Poop." Apparently, that's what she saw when she looked out her window.

So there it is, friends. My motto of the month. "Good Morning, Dog Poop."

Oh, and yes, my butt still hurts. I could never have imagined going over 6 weeks without sitting comfortably. I have no trouble imagining it now.

Hello?? Yes, it's true. I broke it.

2009-01-05T22:52:00.002-05:00

Friends call, lauging their heads off, snickering quietly or just plain gasping in painful silence. Yeah, but did any of you bring me a beer? Or a margarita? Or the "Liquid Taste Of Summer?" Alas, no.

That's okay,..... me and my fractured tail bone will sit back and relish our new bestest buddies in the world.... our prescribed pain medications.

Okay honestly, this hurts like a metaphor-that-would-come-to-me-were-i-not-wacked-out-on-pain-pills.

I can't sit. AND I CARPOOL THE KIDS AROUND.... A LOT!!!!! AND I'M A WRITER... I SIT AT A DESK AND WRITE!!!!!

boo boo boo. with teeny teers and pouty lips.

But on the Cute note.... Evie says, "Mommy? Yeah, baby? "You have Boo-Boo Bup" Yes, darling, Mommy does have a Boo-Boo butt.

Sittin' on a Doughnut

2009-01-04T20:35:00.002-05:00

I could do a long, drawn out post, but really, the facts are all you need. Make up the hilarity as you go along.... you'll probably be on target.

I'm a mid-thirites housewife.

It's winter.

I have kids.

We went sledding.

I tried snowboarding for the first time.

I broke my tailbone falling on my ass.

I'm sittin' on a doughnut.

'Nuff said.

A Perfect Christmas

2009-01-02T21:35:00.002-05:00

It was really a perfect Christmas. So perfect, in fact, that I haven't even blogged in the last week.. relishing the perfection that is this holiday.

David bought and made me gifts that were so perfect that I didn't even know they existed. Abby and Evie got everything that they wanted... we have spent the week visiting great friends.... waking up late... going to bed late and generally enjoying a kind of familal bliss that I didn't know I was missing so much.

On a secondary note, David took us all out for a great Hibachi dinner... the kind where they cook in front of you complete with flames and massive amounts of sake and Mai Tai drinks.

I didn't know the first Mai Tai hit me until I was drinking my second. End result was me putting the kids to bed over an hour late, singing the "I love you, Baby" song while hiccuping.

Oh yea. Mom of the year. I have to go pass out now.

The Cadbury Girl

2008-12-17T20:34:00.003-05:00

Late at night, somewhere 'round 11:00 p.m., after my Ambien kicks in, I have a chocolate craving. This is not something that the "bite size" chocolate bar is going to handle. Really, "Bite size fun?" Are they kidding? If my tongue can barely percieve the vauge remnants of cocoa, sugar, butter and some sort of whole milk than it is not fun. Not in the least.

Don't snicker. (HA!!! PUN!!!!) I am serious about my chocolate.

A late night chocolate craving is generally satisfied with 1/2 of a Cadbury Milk Chocolate bar, or, occassionally, an entire Cadbury Milk Chocolate and Roasted Almond Bar.

Yeah. I said it. The ENTIRE bar.

Anyways, I was at Mom's house about to leave when I mentioned, sadly, that I didn't have any chocolate for tonight. (Hint hint, mom... who always has a Cadbury bar stashed away) Well, no Cadbury in sight, but she did give me one of those ginormous Hershey Kisses that they sell around the holidays. It basically looks like a Rhinocerous Poop. Not as tasty as Cadbury, nor as smooth, but I won't remember it after the Ambien anyway, so who cares?
But here's the problem. There's no way to break the thing up. There aren't any perfectly measured little squares that you can snap off. Or rows to handily shove in your maw one at a time like a reverse human Pez dispenser. It's just a massive, ginormous Chocolate Rhino poop.

I have so far managed to gnaw the top off, and most of the sides, but I haven't yet figured out how I'll whittle away at middle because, frankly, my teeth and jaw are aching from trying to eat the damn thing.

Anyone got a Cadbury bar?

Righty Tighty Lefty Loosey

2008-12-14T20:18:00.002-05:00

I always hated that stupid saying. I mean really, if you push the wrench to the left, that would be lefty loosey, but if you keep pushing, it's going to be going right.

You know, 2 wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

These things are relevant when you're changing your water filter. Now I have permanent marker written on my utility room walls with BIG arrows:

<------------------ loosen
------------------> tighten

...And more Pics

2008-12-12T20:03:00.004-05:00

Pics!

2008-12-11T08:18:00.002-05:00