Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Grandma's Catalog is Selling Dildos

For years, I've ordered "Santa Letter" service from them. Your order the service and they send a form letter from Santa with your child's name on it and other small personalized details included. It gives your kid the illusion that Santa himself is writing to them, knows their name and actually cares if they have been bad or good, for goodness sake.

My kid learned a little more from the Walter Drake catalog this year.

Being Christmas time, my daughter thumbs through all the catalogs that we receive in the mail and uses a marker to tick off things in the "Want" category. I encourage this. It makes my shopping life easier. The Walter Drake catalog is a bit boring in the toy department, seeing as its what I usually categorize as a Grandma catalog, but my daughter will leave no stone unturned during the Christmas season and goes through every catalog that we receive, and every one that Grandma gets, too.

For most of my life, I remember my mother getting the Walter Drake catalog. It is the type of magazine style catalog that sells Christmas Cards with religious messages, silky hair-caps to keep your 'do in place while you sleep, compression socks for your legs and kitchen gadgets to make your culinary life a little easier. My mother has boxes of Walter Drake Christmas Cards that she still sends out every year.

This year, as my oldest daughter sat at the kitchen counter reviewing the Walter Drake Holiday Offerings, near the end of the magazine her little eyebrows knitted together.

"Weird," she said, putting the catalog down and retreating to the couch to read Percy Jackson.

I picked up the magazine and started going through it to see if she left me any hints as to what she may want to get from Santa this year.

I wasn't expecting the selection of Dildos on page 47.

Sandwiched between the ads for Diabetes Compression Gloves to relieve chronic pain and extra foam cushioning to make your Wheel Chair more comfortable, there was a selection of Erotic Toys. The "Don Wand, the Gigi and the new, waterproof 9 inch want with 5 attachments and eight vibrating patters.

I am really hoping that my 8 year old was too bored to get passed the more pedestrian "Skinny Wallet" and the "Under the Eye Lift Serum." I'm not sure that she got to the Dildo page. I'm a little scared to ask.

My 3 year old thumbed through the magazine, too. So did Grandma, to whom the catalog was sent in the first place.

I will never, ever consider Walter Drake to be a Grandma Catalog again. At least not the kind of Grandma I can envision without wincing.


The Captain's Wife said...

hahaha...that is flippin hilarious! Now if Abbey had checked off she wanted one of them...then I could say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

Dingo Deb said...

HAHAHAH ohhhh what a perfect way to start the day! I'm laughing hysterically. Thinking of Mom reviewing the dildo page reminds me of a racy joke that was told at one of my riding lessons, mom laughed like everyone else and then on the way home asked me to explain what "blowjob" meant HAHAHAH I still laugh to this day!

Michelle said...

LOL... but they're MASSAGERS...

How funny... did Abbey ask about it?

Up until the 1920s vibrators were sold in the Sears Catalog-- under housewares. To help moms relax.

Then movies came out and blue movies right behind them and the jig was up, and it was "out" what they were really for!

Yes I know too much about this subject!

Shankent said...

That is THE FUNNIEST commentary I have read in a long time!

Thumbs up ☻

Ahem Kathy said...

What happened to the Toys R Us catelogs?

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