The Cadbury Girl

Late at night, somewhere 'round 11:00 p.m., after my Ambien kicks in, I have a chocolate craving. This is not something that the "bite size" chocolate bar is going to handle. Really, "Bite size fun?" Are they kidding? If my tongue can barely percieve the vauge remnants of cocoa, sugar, butter and some sort of whole milk than it is not fun. Not in the least.

Don't snicker. (HA!!! PUN!!!!) I am serious about my chocolate.

A late night chocolate craving is generally satisfied with 1/2 of a Cadbury Milk Chocolate bar, or, occassionally, an entire Cadbury Milk Chocolate and Roasted Almond Bar.

Yeah. I said it. The ENTIRE bar.

Anyways, I was at Mom's house about to leave when I mentioned, sadly, that I didn't have any chocolate for tonight. (Hint hint, mom... who always has a Cadbury bar stashed away) Well, no Cadbury in sight, but she did give me one of those ginormous Hershey Kisses that they sell around the holidays. It basically looks like a Rhinocerous Poop. Not as tasty as Cadbury, nor as smooth, but I won't remember it after the Ambien anyway, so who cares?
But here's the problem. There's no way to break the thing up. There aren't any perfectly measured little squares that you can snap off. Or rows to handily shove in your maw one at a time like a reverse human Pez dispenser. It's just a massive, ginormous Chocolate Rhino poop.

I have so far managed to gnaw the top off, and most of the sides, but I haven't yet figured out how I'll whittle away at middle because, frankly, my teeth and jaw are aching from trying to eat the damn thing.

Anyone got a Cadbury bar?