Thursday, May 24, 2012


I've said it before and I'll say it again, Spring is my favorite time of year!  Watching the world around you come to life day by day reminds me to wake up and find my  new beginnings, blue skies, and a spot of sunshine to call my own. :)

My girls are growing and changing every day and face each new change with open hearts...what more can I ask for?

Last night, Abby passed that milestone that we all dread........that's right, she got a phone!  All day she waited for that trip to the store for the big purchase.

The doors of Best Buy opened with a "Whoooosh" of air and she stopped, touched my arm and sniffed.
"Do you smell that, Mommy?  It smells like responsibility.....and phones."

We all age, change, grow. And if we're really really lucky, wishes do come true

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Promises are facinating, magical things.  Some people dole them out like candy on Halloween and think nothing of taking them back.  Others, like me, tend to hoard them.  Not because we don't want to give them, but because we know their true worth, the value of a real promise is incalculable.  For someone that believes in promises, it is hurtful to not keep them. 

I broke two promises last week.

The first promise was one that I made 16 years ago.  It hurt a lot of people when I broke that promise and I am enternally sorry for that, and I hope that someday they will see it as I did, a promise that was being kept at a terrible cost.

The seond promise I made less than a year ago.  It hurt to break it... god did it hurt.  I hope someday it will be understood that the intent behind the promise was made whole-heartedly, the most perfect promise I could give, but in keeping it, I chained myself to a life that could never be  mine. In keeping that promise, I only hurt myself.

Promises, like space, and time, are strange.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Open House and an Epic FAIL

This morning, as I dropped Abby off at the school, she turned to me, green eyes shining in the morning light, smile as bright as can be, blew me a kiss and said, "Oh, Mom, the School's Open House is tonight.  Bye!"

I watched her bounce away as I mentally rearranged our evening to attend the Open House. 

Today, picking her up from school...

"I'm really looking forward to meeting your teacher and seeing your classroom."
"Yeah, we don't need to stay for the Presentation, though."
"What?  Why not?  I like hearing about the class plans for the year...."
"No, it's okay.  I told Mrs. Sandburg that you wouldn't be staying for the Presentation."

Blank look.  Crickets chirping.

"Why would you say that?  You know I always enjoy the Presentations!"
"No, you think they're boring.  Last year you completely phased out."

more crickets...

"Baby, it wasn't me who almost fell asleep during the presentation last year."
"Oh, right.  That was Daddy.  Oh well."

I stared at her, almost laughing, until it occurred to me...

"Baby, did you tell your teacher why you thought I wasn't going to stay for the presentation?"
"Yeah, I told her you thought they were boring."

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Back to School, One Last Fair, and Opening Your Eyes

My baby is a Kindergartner!!  Eve was ready, LL Bean backpack slung, pink plaid dress perfectly pressed and a good night's sleep behind her.  My incredible, wonderful, amazing 5 year old heading off to the first year of many in her world. I think it was easier for her that she was able to ride the bus with her big sister, making the cavernous vehicle not-so-scary.

Abby has, for the first time ever, given over from the time honored tradition of a skirt for the first day of school.  My girl has gone to the "cool" side and wore what I would normally consider "hanging out" clothes... a t-shirt and shorts with sneakers.

This year, for the first time, the dogs didn't accompany the girls to the bus....  the last dog passed away in the Spring and no one has had the heart to bring a new puppy to the house.  Back to school pictures without the dogs... strange times. 
None so strange as the fact that I am not living at my house anymore.... I drove back there to take the Back to School photos for continuity and family tradition.  Most days I'll be driving the girls to school.  I'm still trying to get used to the fact that my home is not my home.  I imagine it's going to take a while, with everything in flux.

Our last day of summer was spent at the Woodstock Fair... cows, horses, draft pulling contests, bunnies, rides, fair food and the company of great friends.  I can't ask for more than that.  :)

Tonight I'm finally slowing down after getting the kids settled from their "first big day of school" and getting a bit of time to catch up and watch a movie.  The selection is "Star Dust."

Star Dust is written by Neil Gaimon, who is an author that I've actually quoted on this blog before.  I love his work, tho occasionally the dark side of it can be a bit disturbing.  Neil Gaimon's Instructions

One of my favorite quotes from Star Dust reminds me of that moment when you kiss someone, not just anyone, but that one perfect person.  The person for whom you open your eyes to see them as you kiss.  And that moment, that very moment, they open their eyes too.  And all of the love and all of the passion is staring right back at you, and there is no coming back from that... that seeing into another person's heart and soul.
Great moment captured by Neil... makes me want to ask him, who was she?  And did he cross the wall for her?

"They kissed for the first time then in the cold spring rain, though neither one of them now knew that it was raining. Tristran's heart pounded in his chest as if it was not big enough to contain all the joy that it held. He opened his eyes as he kissed the star. Her sky-blue eyes stared back into his, and in her eyes he could see no parting from her."

— Neil Gaiman (Stardust)

Pictures of the kids and the fair forthcoming... too tired to load them up tonight...   But peace and good dreams to all the parents who bravely brought their babies to school this week, and to those that relished in the tradition of crisp, blue Fall Fairs, and to anyone who has looked into the heart of the person they're kissing and gotten lost, blissfully

Monday, August 29, 2011


I remember a song from "chorus line" where Morales sung that, much to her utter dismay, she felt nothing.
I reached out today to help someone I've loved and felt... Nothing.
A sad song... A sadder feeling.

So many roadblocks are in place right now on the roads and we're living in darkness from the storm. It's one thing to live it. It's another to feel it. How very very sad when a storm hits and hurts so close to home. And then it's just nothing.

Moving on gets easier and harder.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Shaken, Not Stirred

Shaken. Not Stired.

My business trips to my client site are generally busy, often exciting and sometimes just plain exhilarating. I love being in the thick of things. When I’m travelling for business, I usually post my status as “being in the Lion’s den.” It is always a challenge and a thrill to be in front of my clients because, lets face it, I’m a computer geek at heart. I love being in front of my computer and listening to much as everyone likes to put me on the front lines with clients, its not my comfort zone, so when I have to do it, it is a challenge.

I joke with my teammates that every trip has “the story….” And this one is a doozy!

Me, 26th floor of the Financial Plaza in Jersey City, on a conference call with a SC teammate……..

“Hold on, the building is shaking…”


“The building is shaking. What the hell? I can’t work like this!”

“The building is shaking?”

“Yeah……..wait, no really, it is……people are running… I think I have to go”

That is, verbatim, the call I had with my teammate. Being from small town CT, high rise buildings aren’t exactly everyday life, so a shaking building seems slightly plausible to me and an irritating disruption to my work… it wasn’t until I saw people bookin’ out the doors until I realized it was not “Big City Norm.”

Of course everyone was allright and survived the earthquake. I admit I was a bit confused by it all and briefly considered cannabalism if necessary for survival.  :)

I have a greater understanding of what it feels like to sway like the top of the tallest oak tree and thank God that your kids are far away and safe.

Cell phones didn’t work. Calls went out to nothing…… only TXT messaging had any results. By the time I reached the ground I had txt messages from some of the people I loved the most, checking in that I was okay. All was well. Shaken, not stirred.

Okay, stirred. A little bit.

Now I’m back at my hotel, happily in my jammies and blogging for the memory of the 5.9 quake that covered the East Coast.